Adventures in GALing

[AntoniaB]

Punkin, yeah, you're right on the two edges--I guess IB is seeing that now. I forgot about that side...

I do have 5 cats who were pre-bomb. The one that was a complete connection to him is the one who died Nov. 1st. That cat was the closest thing I had ever experienced emotionally to a mother-child relationship...and he was SO much a part of XH, so he really had two connections to the past with me. So with him gone now, there is no real connection left as far as my being able to have a connection to XH or the past with the others. I think that's why there is such a bizarre feeling of detachment in me anymore.

The best way I can put it is that I felt this sort of physical aura/connection to XH and the past in my home, in a way that was comforting eventually, and it was there through that cat. When the cat died it was gone. I keep using the phrase "I feel like all my skin is torn off" or "if I lost one arm when XH left, I lost the other when our cat died." It's very visceral and VERY raw. Complete and utter vulnerability, which I think is going to turn into a wall of armor that no one's going to break through.