Val: I realized that I shouldn't have even acknowledged her texts, but I figured that since I set up a get-together with her family, she at least had a right to know why I was doing it. And no, she doesn't have a right to speak to me that way, I agree. I am indeed preparing for battle -- an L is definitely in my near future. I need to know all I can for what I might be in for.
kml: I know, what are the odds, right? I realize that I am very, very fortunate that my in-laws are being so kind to me. I've read several other sitches where the in-laws can be downright cold or rude, which is terrible to hear. MY IL's warm reactions do make me feel a lot better about myself when my W says so many nasty things to me. She's the ONLY person in my life who treats me that way...
I figured I should keep my updates frequent to keep them from getting too long. I just went over to my IL's house (only three minutes away from my apartment) and dropped off their wine. As I expected, they too were very kind and receptive. We sat down and talked for about ten minutes about what's been going on in our lives (except for, of course, the obvious, which I was glad we didn't talk about). They seemed very interested in how things were going for me and very happy that I was visibly doing really well. They were nice and said things like, "Stop by anytime! And we'll rabbit-sit any time that you want! Give us a call if you need anything!"
So sad that I may not be able to be close to all these wonderful people in the same way that I was, but I will always consider them family.
Annnnnd for one more update: I talked to my little S today, and she said that a friend of a friend lives kind-of in my area and is also going through a bad break-up. Apparently, this person has no friends and nothing to do on the weekends -- a sitch that I'm all too familiar with. So it sounds like I may hear from this person pretty soon. It sounds like she's four years older than I am, but I checked out her FB and we seem pretty similar -- college-educated, low-key, love to read, etc. My social calendar is exploding!
Last night, the Kirby girl and I went over to her friends' house to hang out. We watched some of the football game between the Lions and the Cardinals, but after it was pretty clear what the outcome was going to be, we ended up watching a few episodes of "Reno 911!"
After that, we picked up "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" and watched it at my place. We stayed up late just talking, and then she eventually took off. I don't really see this going any place major, but she's pretty cool and fun to hang out with. Plus, it REALLY beats laying around the apartment all day by myself.
Today, I talked with my credit union again to take my W's name off of my loan. They said I should easily be able to re-fi on my own, but my W still needs to sign some papers and get them notarized. I will be informing her of this, as well as my wish to be sent the D papers so my L can look at them. We'll see how that goes. Given our interaction history, I'm expecting more venom. (Fortunately, it's getting pretty easy to just let it roll off my back.)
Short update. This was the text exchange with my W.
M: [told her about the auto paperwork, which she agreed to with a simple "OK."] Also, I would really appreciate it if you could either mail me or email me the D paperwork ASAP. I would like to make an appointment with a lawyer to look everything over before I sign. After that, I'll drop the papers off on the 23rd along with the rabbit. W: Well the conversion to dissolution papers are just upholding everything that was in the S papers so there's really nothing for a lawyer to look over. M: I understand. All the same, I still want to go ahead and make an appointment, so if you could send the papers my way, I'd really appreciate it. W: You already signed the S papers. It won't make any difference now. Also why do you need an L? They aren't ready anyway and won't be until the 23rd. So in conclusion: no. W: Seriously it's one page that says the S is being converted to a D. Go on the website and look for yourself. [I did at this point. They were just two papers that said the S was being converted to a D. Nothing more.] M: Fine. As long as that's all it is.
I'm still planning on meeting with an L at some point to discuss my options. I think it's really weird that W asks me why I need an L when she's told me that she's talked with an L herself multiple times.
If the papers she has ready for me are the ones I looked up online, then I see no problem with signing them. I've already agreed to the S, so a D with the same exact terms is fine. But I'll be wary. If she has any "additional" paperwork, I won't sign anything.
Got a call from the Kirby girl again today. She basically just wanted to chat about nothing in particular. She also kept saying things about how she didn't have anything to do tonight, which seemed intentional. I let her know that I didn't want to do anything tonight because I didn't get much sleep the night before, but maybe we could hang out in the next couple of days.
I'm concerned because it sounds like she's talking to me in the same flirty kind of voice that my W talked to me with when we were first dating. I hope she isn't expecting more out of me than I'm willing to give. I'm definitely not ready to start dating, at least not seriously.
I guess I'll just have to bring up that concern when the situation calls for it.
So sorry West. Know that you ARE a good man and YOU DON'T DESERVE THE SH!T SHE IS SERVING YOU!!
Thanks, Val, this means a lot to me. Interestingly, it seems as though this board is entirely made up of really great people who do not deserve the treatment that they're getting. Must be why our WAS' demonize us to the point of becoming aliens -- they know that we're good people, so they have to work hard to make us out to be the bad guys. (Whereas if we were really that bad, they'd just leave ASAP without bothering to sling venom over their shoulders on their way out.)
Last night, I talked with a counselor over the phone from my work's Employee Assistance Program. She helped me get set up in getting referred for a free 30-minute consultation with an L, as well as looking into finding a C. It's helpful to know that this EAP offers over-the-phone counseling 24/7, so if I'm ever feeling at my worst, I can always just pick up the phone and talk to someone.
Today, I set up an appointment with said lawyer for the 16th. I also found out that I am able to get 5 free counseling sessions through my EAP. If I don't like the counselor that I get, I can pick someone else and that used-up session won't count toward my 5. What a deal!
As a final stroke, I'm going to see a doctor soon for a physical. I technically have to do it for work, but I'm looking forward to it because I haven't had a physical in over 5 years. Probably not a huge deal at my age, but sometimes you never know what might be wrong with you.
I am currently reading the book "Hiroshima" by John Hersey. Reading such a horrifying tale of how an entire city was ripped apart by the A-bomb really makes me thankful for what I have. So many people lost many of their loved ones in an instant, yet still struggled to survive and help others do the same. Sometimes bad stuff just happens, and all you can do in the aftermath is just survive. And be happy, if you can.
hershey's book is fantastic. I recommend it to my later european history classes. I love it.
Also, you should read, if you haven't, Elie Wiesel's Night. Powerful isn't the word. It's amazing. And Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. Those all give us a dose of perspective on our own lives!!!
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
In_Shock: I too have read Frankl's book. At the time, it didn't resound with me because I hadn't yet suffered in a way that would make me feel his words. Now, after my sitch, I must make a mission out of procuring my own copy and reading it again. I will also check out "Night," thanks for the recommendation.
Gritter: Glad to see you back on the boards, man. And thanks for keeping it real, as always. Where am I, you ask? Confused and unsure of who I am or what I want.
Happier, more stable with being myself, less willing to accept as much of the blame as I once did for why our R dissolved.
Still harboring fond memories of my W as she once was but feeling strangely numb towards her now. Fear that she'll never be that loving woman again. Still holding onto hope of R but not sure if I can ever trust her to stay committed for life. Concerned that maybe we're just not right for each other after all.
Becoming comfortable with being social, making friends, meeting new people, and loving all of that. Now sometimes dreaming of what it would be like of finding somebody with most of the things that I loved about my W minus the drama and instability. Realizing that I'm still not ready for anything on the dating front, not even a "fling." Scared of injuring someone else in indulging in such an R.
That's about where I am. I think you're quite right to question my readiness in the process, and I plan to hash it out with my C. We'll see if I get that far in 5 sessions -- I doubt I can afford anything beyond that, even with my health insurance.
I realize that I am very, very fortunate that my in-laws are being so kind to me. I've read several other sitches where the in-laws can be downright cold or rude, which is terrible to hear. MY IL's warm reactions do make me feel a lot better about myself when my W says so many nasty things to me. She's the ONLY person in my life who treats me that way...
Interestingly, it seems as though this board is entirely made up of really great people who do not deserve the treatment that they're getting. Must be why our WAS' demonize us to the point of becoming aliens -- they know that we're good people, so they have to work hard to make us out to be the bad guys. (Whereas if we were