WCF, you could always obtain a free consultation with a L and make a decision on how you want to proceed. It wouldn't hurt to be more informed of your rights. If you get the paperwork from your W, you will be able to ask better questions.
Sounds good, Jb. During a branch meeting at work today, our boss told us about the Employee Assistance Program that is available to us for free. She said that during an extremely difficult time in her life (was a single mom raising a ten-year-old, divorcing from her H when she found out that he was living with OW in another state, her house caught on fire, her mom passed away), she took advantage of EAP. It gave her free legal advice, as well as therapy.
I'm really considering looking into this. If I could talk with an L in my immediate area, that would be superb. Also, I've been itching to sit down with a T or C for a long time. I visited on some of my W's sessions a few years back and went to my own C sessions last year, and I really enjoyed them. Helps to spill out my guts to someone in confidence.
Also, tonight is the last night of NaNoWriMo. As soon as I finish tonight's quota, I will have written a 50K+ novel. I don't think that I'll ever publish it, but to me, it stands as a testament. I never would have before thought that I could have powered through Nano in the face of all of this, but I'm so happy that I did!
"I'm really considering looking into this. If I could talk with an L in my immediate area, that would be superb. Also, I've been itching to sit down with a T or C for a long time. I visited on some of my W's sessions a few years back and went to my own C sessions last year, and I really enjoyed them. Helps to spill out my guts to someone in confidence."
I think this is a great idea and you should do it as soon as you can. Be sure to determine if the C is trained in Solution Focused Brief Therapy and is marriage friendly. Finding a therapist/counselor that meets this criteria is going to be important to your healing and survival of this crisis you are facing!
Good luck!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Congrats on finishing your novel! What an accomplishment and what GAL in this tough time for you.
If it doesn't give away who you are, I wonder if you'd share it with us somehow.
My S11 started NaNoWriMo but didn't stick with it.
I'm not a writer but I'm a huge reader and am always amazed by authors.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
If it doesn't give away who you are, I wonder if you'd share it with us somehow.
Oh, I wish I could, but I fear that it might compromise my anonymity if I shared it. I will offer that it takes place in the future and uses a lot of satire that makes fun of current things, much like the novel "Infinite Jest" and the comic "Transmetropolitan," both of which influenced it greatly.
Given that the D is coming up, I thought it might be good to get in touch with my in-laws as a "good-bye" -- I'm not sure when I'll see them again next. I e-mailed W's granny and also FB-chatted with younger BIL. As a final touch, I bought the in-laws a couple of bottles of wine because they're wine fanatics.
I texted my MIL about this, asking if it was okay if I dropped by with the wine tomorrow. She replied back, "Yes! We should be around most of the day. It'll be great to see you. (Don't have anything for you yet -- not that organized.)" Her reply made me feel really good. Clearly, there's no bad blood between us, even with all this stuff going down. I told her that she didn't have to get me anything and that this was more of a cumulative "thanks-for-everything" gesture.
Of course, I knew that this might PO my W, and it did. She texted me much later after MIL must have told her:
W: Why are you giving my parents a Christmas gift? And what is it and why are you doing that tomorrow? 15 mins. pass W: Don't be like this. Just answer my questions. M: It's not really a Christmas gift. More like "thanks for everything." It's just a couple of bottles of wine, nothing major. W: Well you told my mom it was a Christmas gift. So what you're saying is that it's a way for you to feel less like a d!ck for cutting them out of your life. M: I did not tell them that it was a Christmas gift. I told them that it was what I told you it was. [I felt like arguing with her about the second part but thought that it would be a total waste of time, so I didn't say anything about it.] W: You're a jerk. After this just leave my parents alone.
Instead of my analysis, I'll leave it open to others for debate. I'm getting so tired of interactions like this.
She is not a healthy person for you to be involved with. Yes, I can understand her being angry at you for the way your OCD made her feel driven out of the relationship. But her behavior now is really unhealthy and so angry that it is weird.
Still - don't expect much from her family. They have to live with her going into the future - usually families pick blood every time.
I know she's unhealthy for me to be around, which is why I've gone so dark on her -- I see no other way to keep myself sane. I see her behavior as being very childish. She wants her things herway, regardless of the needs and wants of others. Now that I'm asserting myself and no longer living to please her, she's just throwing a series of temper tantrums. I hope for her sake that she grows out of it.
I'm still not forever writing off a future with her, but I'm thinking that I could only consider it if she got her own C or T and perhaps if we went to MC, too. She needs help very badly, and so would we if we reconned.
Last night, a girl stopped by my apartment to clean a room in my apartment for free -- she is a Kirby salesgirl. I said why not, there was no pressure to buy and all I had to do was tell somebody else about the great job Kirby does. The girl and I hit it off pretty well, I think she was pretty into me. Eventually she mentioned hanging out with me, and I agreed to it. Just like I told her, why not? I'm tired of spending nights all by myself. I can go hang out with people.
I'm not exactly sure what it will end up being. I sincerely doubt anything serious. Fortunately, she already knows a bit about my messed-up sitch and that I'm getting a D, so at least she knows that I've got baggage. We'll see what happens. We're planning on going to the movies tonight.
Also, this morning, I got a very enthusiastic reply from my W's granny. It read: "Lovely to hear from you. I often think about you and hope you are coping well with the stress this year has brought. I quite feel I have lost a soul-mate! I wish you the very best and thank you very much indeed for thinking of me. Much love, Granny."
It has been making me very happy that my in-laws still seem to harbor warm feelings for me. I'm getting to the point where I really don't care what my W thinks about me, but my in-laws are still important to me.
Next time, end that conversation sooner. Yes, your wife can have doubts about your changes... But good lord..
She doesn't have the right to speak to you that way. You set a boundary before... Stick to it!!!!
Also.. There is no way mediation is going to be possible as long as she is that angry. Not only will she feel entitled, she will do things out of spite.
I hate to say it... But you may need to bunker down for battle. Legal protection is going to be important.
So sorry west!
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Lol - a vacuum cleaner salesgirl comes to your apartment and asks you out? What are the odds of that? Look at it as an opportunity to make an interesting new friend.
That's a nice note that Granny sent you. I was married for 24 years, my mother-in-law and my ex's younger cousin were the only ones out of the large extended family that reached out to me when my ex dumped me. I understand though - it's usually just so awkward, people feel embarrassed, it's hard. I've been on the other side with my siblings' divorces. So it says something good about you, that they react that way to you.
I'm getting to the point where I really don't care what my W thinks about me, but my in-laws are still important to me.