Adventures in GALing

[AntoniaB]

Ok more adventures in GALing...Tonight was a party held by a colleague who only invites CERTAIN faculty, and basically, because I will "throw down" with alcohol with others, I got invited.

I wore a dress that I bought for XH and my anniversary like 10 years ago. I bought it for that and never wore it again. It fit better now than then (that's the post-divorce depression diet for ya!) and I got lots of compliments.

As this was a party I went to without a partner, when most HAD partners, I thought I'd say this: Often I stood alone and I did not care. It never bothered me one bit that I was there alone.

I think the only time it bothered me was when I thought about how good I felt about myself and my appearance, because for so long, I didn't feel that way, and I thought, "should all this self-esteem be "wasted" on just me, isn't it a shame I don't go home with someone?"

And you know, all I thought was, a guy to appreciate me would be NICE, but really, I'm not a loser if I don't attract someone...

And then I came home and put on my comfy clothes and made a drink and a little cat is sitting on my arm, and I'm ok living this way.

I have heat on a cold day, I have a roof over my head, I have a job, I have friends and family.

I want so badly to get rid of this belief/notion that having someone want you romantically is the "end-all, be-all." If I could rid of that, I'd be a VERY happy woman. It's a cultural thing that I don't know how we can escape. It's like, embedded in us.

Can you imagine what our lives would be like if we did NOT have that idea embedded in us, that we had to have someone want us/desire us/romantically, etc. in order to feel 100%??