"More than anything I'm angry. And I have to say, it feels a whole lot better."
I like this. Sounds like you're getting better. No, you are getting better.
Getting angry about the situation is 'much' better than hopelessness, despair, listlessness, and even fear, go figure. Anger can be good if directed where it needs to go. Just a note here, make sure you don't direct the anger in the wrong place. Don't direct it at W, good friends, and family. You'll be pickin' up pieces for a while if you do! (I did this a couple of times with some close people in the beginning, and even after that. Had to learn penitence and groveling after that. Not a nice skill to learn :()
It's ok to get angry at the situation. Get angry about junk you've been needing to fix about yourself. It's even ok to get angry about W's attitude. Just don't vent on her though. Again, vent elsewhere. (Sure, let her know when she's crossing a line with you. After that, snip it.)
" I've been db'ing as best I can though not perfectly and there have been some backslides"
(Sigh) I know for myself it ended up being a process of 3 steps forward, 2 steps back but I eventually made it up the mountain.
"I'm strongly considering the mwd intensives but not sure I can get her to go but ill try soon when the timing is right."
Present it to her. If she doesn't want to go let her be. Don't even try to convince or cajole her. She has sorting out to do and it will take a while before things are smooth. Just make sure you keep working on making yourself a pinnacle of stability, strength, and just a simply a soft place for her to land on. This will eventually be irresistible for her. Probably about a year or two at least before you can even begin to be in the clear though.
"In one of my backslides I had to tell her to stop treating me like you know what, especially in front of the kids. "
This is a backslide?! I don't think so.
"It seems to have worked because she's been pretty nice to me the last day or so."
One of the reactions to your changes? I would think so. Did you take note of what you did? What spurred this on? Write it out on paper or a word editor if you have to. Sounds clinical but it helps to get it off the mind and on to something where you can see it.
"just want to hold her"
Hang tight.
I haven't posted much in the last seven years. I've been a lurker. Just lookin' to put back all the good help I've gotten...
