Wife left

[CO1978]

So today is 30 days sober for me, longest I have ever gone without drinking voluntarily. My body feels a lot better for it, and I know in the long run I will be a better person for it. It is a lot harder for me to GAL with that obstacle and being winter. The main thin I have been doing is spending WAY more time with my S. Still exercising as well, although I can't get a big run in when I have him. Today I took him to a children's Christmas party, he kept asking for mommy.
I can't get it out of my head that she is spending more time out (at the bars) with her friends now since she doesn't have us. I am afraid of the negative impact those friends may be having on her mind (one is afraid of commitment, but afraid to be alone and is now thinking of leaving her fiancé, the other is a single mom who has a boyfriend).
So yeah changes are great and all, but they still can't fill that empty void. I am actually starting to dream (yeah that means real sleep) the last few nights and all my dreams are of her coming back to me, and it really [censored] when you wake back up to reality. This is the longest we have gone without sex as well. I guess that doesn't get any easier to deal with either. I don't get any sexual urges until I see her and I want to hold her and well you get the point. So yeah I'm pretty much falling back into that depressed state, if I was ever out of it.