My H has been in a PA since late July/early August 2011. I found out in mid-September. He continues to travel for work to OW's city and is typically gone 5-6 days a week. He lives at home when he is at home. OW is separated with three kids...H says they have more intimate conversations than we have ever had, she's fun, she's energetic. But, he isn't sure about her and a long-term relationship. But, he also isn't sure about us and if he can trust we wouldn't have a SSM again if he comes back.
He has seen some changes in me (I'm now as thin as I was when we got married, running, making new friends, more positive)
I'd like to believe he is warming to me gradually, but the PA/EA continues and next weekend, H is going on a trip with OW. I have told him he needs to leave if he is in an A, but I am now not going to push that issue until after the holidays. I'm nearing the end of my rope on his cake eating and covering for him in front of the kids, family, neighbors, etc. Only a few of my friends and one of his friends knows about the A. (I had to tell a couple friends before I found this board so I could vent and have support)
I am trying to detach and have been distant this week while he has been gone. I will see what his reaction is to me tonight when he gets home. I think he was with OW last night, so he was silent.
Question. I talked to a woman last night who successfully "busted" her husband's affair. She basically went all out to invite him on a hot date, wear lingerie, etc. She viewed it as a competition with OW. I think the all out date is too much in my situation...but I'm wondering about me being a bit more seductive/affectionate in the bedroom. That's where H has been the most responsive to me (seems turned on by me) and although we haven't ML...he is willing to do everything else and also likes to make me feel good. I also think that's the area where he felt the most frustration with me. Not sure how I'd do it, but maybe put on something sexy and let him walk in and see me in it.
Over wine last night, a couple women thought this was a good idea and frankly, they weren't sure I had a lot to lose by trying it. (worst case, my H says, "not into you"...which pretty much matches how I feel every day anyway) I mean, he's already in the affair and I'm already set on putting up with it through the holidays.
Just an idea tossing around in my head...I'm sure someone will pop along soon and slap me. :-)
M: 43 H: 45 D10, D8, D4 Married 12 years EA/PA since 8/2011 and continues H still home
M 44, H 46 D11, D9, D5 Married 12 years PA confirmed 9/2011 I filed 3/2012 H moved out 7/2012
