DBing against OW...?????

[Abbey]

Dark and Dim do work. Consistency being the thing I found that worked best. I allowed mine to phone me... but no more midnight visits.

I did the "Friend" thing, so he confided in me about everything he was dealing with, with the OW. It wasn't easy,... BUT... it did help with finding out what I was dealing with, with his emotions, and what his interactions with the OW were like. And how to figure out what I needed to say and not say when he professed his love for me. (I did break down and slip some of those times... but we all do , and as others have said, they won't remember for long.)

Initially go "darker" if you plan to go dim. (With kids, I think dim is about the best you might be able to do.)

Set up a set of rules for yourself. Write them down. I will do this, but not that. EG: respond to his texts but not initiate them. Will always answer his texts about kids, but will take 30 mins to respond to anything else. If at all.

Set yourself up with your own "DB" text rule hand book. Keep the responses short. Same with phone calls, and interactions. It's amazing what you can "do" when you actually take time to think through what you hope to accomplish, AND how you intend to accomplish it.

I had a post it note on my bathroom mirror that said: Stay Calm. I made a post it cork board with pics of my goals.

Go back through some of your threads and jot down the interactions you found difficult. When you're away from the sitch, you can think calmly and assess what would have worked better for YOU. Eg: Short answers. Long explanations are wasted on them... their brains can't grasp them right now anyway etc.