Forward, slow as she goes

[BeingMe]

I always appreciate your advice, BH. I wish I could just change the locks and leave a note. There's more to it than just that, though. For one, my S24 lost his job, and had to move back home. There are other issues not even related to the M that I have to think of, before I can up anchor and sail off. Fortunately, H is rarely here, so I don't have to be around him. Often, I don't get his calls. I have just gone through a period of "freaking out" ... just want to get on with my life, but I can't ... not just this minute. I don't want my H back now ... too late, too much water under the bridge ... he left it too long now. If he had to suddenly want back into a R, I would be very suspicious. We are friendly at least. So, I vent on this forum. It helps.

I am at peace for now, and I hope this will last awhile. I guess it was stress from exams, and my D19's projects/tests. She gets me on edge because she gets very sensitive when she's trying to get things together. And, won't take my help, such as picking up things from the printer, etc. Which is to her credit. And then S24 being in the situation he's in. He's an apprentice welder and they are the first to go when there's no work. He's not been able to find work for a couple of months, and we can't pay his rent for him. So, he moved back home.

As much as I wish I could just leave ... I can't. I can't just sell the house and leave my kids hanging (I would need the money from the profit to buy another place in the city I want to go where my D24 and grandkids are). D19 is still at uni, and I need my S24 to get settled more permanently. But, I did take a weekend at a hotel up the coast, which is right on the beach. Even though it was chilly and blustery, it was still nice to walk along the beach, and take some pics. I had dinner alone, but read while waiting for my meal, and then there was live jazz on the Saturday night. Was nice to get away from everything, even the dogs.