I need advice for dealing with a WAW

[SamuelH]

Ok, I thought I posted something in response to adinva, but I guess I either didn't or it's stuck in moderation so I guess I'll post again...

I don't know if 7 weeks is that long. My H hasn't left but he's consistently said he wants to be divorced and it's been 6 months.

I'm sorry to hear about your H. If there is any place that can give you good advice to win him back I'm sure this is it.

For myself I'm certainly in no rush to file for anything. I don't see that as being beneficial to the sitch at this point. We were only married for about 8 months before various stresses crept in and things started going somewhat bad (arguing). Now that she has been gone for almost 2 months, thats 25% of our marriage! But once again, I don't think that filing for a S or D is going to improve the situation at all and therefore am not talking to a L.

I think the experts here will need to know more about what you're doing to work on you, to improve what you can. To "get a life" and to address the things she didn't like about you. Have you read DB or DR?

Well, I'm exercising and watching what I eat in order to lose weight and get in shape. I'm also hanging out with friends that I haven't really hung out with since I first started dating my W. I kind of got distracted half way through reading DB, but I do plan to finish it and move on to DR.

What do you think went wrong in your marriage that caused her to leave?

I don't know... I think maybe several things all at once. I believe I covered them all in the first page of this thread but I'll do a quick recap:

My W suffered lots of trauma as a child (physical, sexual and abandonment). I believe in some ways this stunted her emotional maturity and caused her to build an arsenal of coping techniques.

Fast forward to 8 months after we are married and my W finds out she is losing her job that she loves dearly because the store is closing... Now not only is a large part of her life dissapearing but there are now financial strains until she finds a new job. The W and I get into an argument about a potential job helping her brother. The job would have her working from 8pm to 3am which to me was unacceptable as I would only see my wife for maybe 2 or 3 hours a day. She starts working for brother anyways which causes a lot of tension between us and leads us into a couple arguments that go back and forth similar to the following:

W:"Well I'm a grown woman and I can work any job I want and I don't need to answer to you!"
Me:"Well that's a crappy attitude. Why don't we get a D and you can do whatever you want whenever you want"

Well the second time we had that argument my W decided that I was serious as I brought it up more than once and instantly put up an emotional 'wall' towards me. It was at this point I think she gave up because she became very cold and distant... almost overnight. It was also around this time that we rented our basement out to one of my W's male friends from high school (I initially didn't want to but my W finally convinced me that we could use the rent money). Well my W instantly started spending all her time downstairs with her old friend which made me insanely jealous of the time she allocated to him instead of me. She swore up and down that he was only a friend and there was no A going on (I actually believe that there was no PA going on, but I think there may have been an EA, even if my W never admitted to it). Well anywho this guy in our basement lost his job (he was also working for my W's brother) and thus never did pay rent (and essentially freeloaded in our basement for almost two months). My W and this guy in my basement moved out together, although my W dropped him and his stuff at his mom's house (about 30 minutes outside her hometown) and then went on to move in with a girlfriend in her hometown about 4 hours away. There was no note explaining anything, no message, no communication about what was happening. I came home from work and all her stuff was gone. I haven't spoke to my W since that morning.

So now I guess I'm just waiting for something to happen, although as time draws on it seems more likely like my W is just trying to run from her problems and hope they go away on their own.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, but you've come to a good place to get advice.

Yeah everyone seems to be really helpful and polite here. I don't know if I agree 100% with all the advice I've seen in other people's threads, but so far the advice I've been getting in my own mostly makes sense.