A Bklyn tale

[BklynMom]

Thks guys for the encouragement. I am really trying to stay with the positive mind frame, it is just so easy to let the negative voices slip in.

Thank goodness for DBing. I really think my H reaching out to me is a result of going dim. We were always going to have a relationship as parents but now because he has made the first move in communicating it allows him to feel like he has the upper hand. Like he leading. This is very important in our dynamic. My H needs to feel like The man.

I definitely diminished some of his masculinity when we were together by being too controlling and bossy. I need to surrender that and let him be in charge & trust that he will take care of us.

I have been thinking the past few days how badly I handled the sitch before I had DB.

Even when I was on my best behavior I think my unspoken message to my H was I dare you to leave me & our D. You wont dare leave us & tell your respectable family that you are leaving us.

I never said those words but I think I conveyed them between my crying pleads of "I love you". In many ways I pushed him out the door.

I dont regret that he moved out. I think our R will be stronger because of it.

I think having his own apartment is part of his fantasy and he has to live it out before he can come back. I really believe he will come back. How can he not come back to 2 perfect little girls, a wife that adores him, who is & has changed many of her negative behaviors & a woman open to forgiveness?? How can he not at least try??

I think I should no longer be dim and I need to continue engaging with him. This is so scary to me. I dont want to mess it up. I am definitely going to need to speak to a DB coach.

I think my H has only seen some of my changes because for 3 months I have seen & spoken to him so rarely. I need to increase my communication so that he can see the consistancy of these changes. I am ready!!! ....i think?