She's angry. Very, very angry. We had some disagreements on custody exchange. I thought I was getting him Thursday - she declined, I didn't make a big deal of it. I asked if I could get him today (Friday) and she responded she wanted a Saturday AM exchange. Of course, that would have meant she would have had him 5 or 6 of the last 7 days. I drew the line and politely objected. As she would not really talk or respond, I had to go through my lawyer (which I didn't want to do). She received a note from my attorney noting my objections to her custody proposal and explaining why her objections to mine were false (fact based, not opinion) My lawyer concluded with a note stating that she had had him for the last several days and my request for Friday night wasn't unreasonable. I am guessing that set her off. I received a flaming e-mail that basically said:
"What is your plan to get him? When and where? I suggest the baby sitter to keep the contact between us at a minimum. I am disappointed that you will not consider my opinions/proposals. However, I am not surprised since that was always the dynamic in our former marriage."
She clearly was taking a shot there, certainly out of anger and frustration. I did not respond in kind. I simply asked her to tell me specifically what she disliked about my plan, and offered to do the same for her. She never did.
About 10 minutes later, I felt this would be a good opportunity for a 180. I told her that if she was that upset about not having him tonight, she can just bring him to me Saturday as she proposed. I did this to try to keep the peace. I also said I would try her proposed plan for one week to see how it goes. She replied by saying just go get the baby tonight as per your lawyer. She never responded to the request to implement her plan. The 180, as I saw it, was that she always thought I had to get my way (though I do not agree) so I offered for her to have hers instead. Not sure if that was a good idea or not.
It is obvious that she is furious with me over this issue, and honestly - I hate to see her upset - even though she is my WAW. I have decided that I am going to meet her anger with love, understanding and calm - I just don't want to be angry anymore. I didn't take the bait when she took that cheap shot at me in her e-mail. I need peace with this sitch. I am calm, surprisingly calm. Maybe because my boy is sleeping soundly upstairs.
I still sorely want to DB, but man, she is so angry right now it seems there is nothing that I can do to move the ball forward at all right now. How do I handle this? How do I handle a WAW in her own condo, that is so mad at me right now it is unbelievable? Do I just sit here, be calm and wait for her to come down a bit or is this evidence that my sitch is beyond repair? I know patience is key here, but at the moment I feel like she will be this mad forever.
I know I have said this before - but I think the reality of what she has done/is doing is hitting her. It is tough to be in a small foreign condo without your son. Heck, it's hard for me to be in this house without him. It really hurts. I think when she is with him she is happy - or at least "happier", but when she is gone and it is just her and new surroundings it becomes torture. Just a guess. Maybe her way of dealing with that anger and hurt is lashing out with me.
Please - I need all the advice and encouragement I can get!
