wife won't admit PA with OM

[Harrier]

I hope you don't think I'm a jerk here, but I see something totally different.

First, you think it was a good session. Why? Because you got what you wanted and you didn't get scolded for snooping.

Then, as 25M points out, you paint yourself and more importantly paint your W into a situation SHE CANNOT WIN. So how is that successful?

Haven't we been here before. I mean how many time did she promise not to talk to OM. How many times did she break that promise? Why do you think it's suddenly different because MC sets the boundary?
heck even you seem doubtful.

Let's hope it sticks this time.

Also, I have yet to see anything from you on why the affair happened. I mean she flat out told you this..

She said that the OM filled a need of attention she had since she had stopped talking to me.

What was your take on it?

I don't really get that because she wouldn't need his attention had she not stopped talking to me.

You need to explore this more. Instead it sounds like you push the blame to her instead of taking any responsibility.

As for the snooping. I looks like the MC gave you an out. I hate to say this, but I guarantee you will snoop again unless you are proactive about it. Snooping DOES NOT BUILD trust. I'd suggest, and what worked for me is that for a while, your W be more open about what she's doing. Like if she's on the phone, or text she could just say something like 'I'm texting my friend.' Or if she goes somewhere she tells you. Those things help more than think.

I do part ways with the MC though. I don't think you need to keep asking her and asking her about the A. It really serves no good purpose.

I think after a couple times it shows that you just think she's lying (you do think she's lying) and it will just continually show that you don't trust her answers. Why would she want to be with someone who distrusts her so much?

If you decide to ask her about A - make it a one time thing so she won't be fearful you will throw it up in her face every time you have a future argument. Then LET IT GO.

Whether something happened or not. You can't change that now. What you can do is look toward the future and you can't do that looking back at her A.

I'm not all a downer, it was good that your W brought up the A to the MC. Although, you should have as well.