Accuray....Feeling you brother. Definitely feeling you.
I see you do seem to focus a lot on your interactions with your wife. How those interactions may lead to pressure...wittingly or unwittingly is a tough path to walk. I think for the most part you are doing pretty good.
I ask for a minute that you switch thinking gears for a second and never bring what I talk about up to your wife...NEVER....because it really isn't your burden to bring up or carry. What do you know about your wife's sexual history prior to you? It seems that she has surrounded sex with a magnitude of negative emotions. To the point that just talking about sex seems to have a very negative impact on her. Way beyond what seems normal to me. I expect the negativity, but I just keep feeling it is excessive.
Case in point is my wife. She knowingly at this point has used sex as a tool for power and manipulation. She was aware of this, but only after a lot of direct scrutiny did she start recalling why she does. In therapy she revealed that the boy she lost her virginity to left her the day afterwards. This hurt her immensely...but even worse created in her subconscious a thought of "I will hurt you before you hurt me" mentality (her father leaving when she was 12 added to the situation). She went so far in her youth as to date the boy's best friend and then eventually marry a guy he was living with. The therapist reasoned that all of that was to get back at the boy. Of course the shock waves of that can still be felt today.
One of the things I have learned through my wife's MLC, and others on here, is that the ghosts of the past sometimes really do affect today. We have no control of them, but they are there...lurking...hiding.
Once again...Don't ask your wife about her past. It will makes things very ugly....just a thing to think about.
