Putting it back together, but SSM issues linger

[Nblost]

Accuray,
You are being SO reasonable and caring. I'm really concerned about your W...I think she really needs help. It sounds like she has some major insecurities or something else going on.

Now, when my H had complained to me about sex and expressed what I thought were unreasonable demands...I lashed out and told him to go find someone who could make him happy (gee, I wonder why he's now in an A? :-( ) Just typing this paragraph puts tears in my eyes.

However, I didn't mean it...I just felt so inadequate and like no matter how hard I tried...I would fail him. It wasn't about him, it was more about me and more about our inability to move forward and find a happy medium.

In the end, I do think you deserve to be happy and have someone who will at least try to meet you halfway. If your wife truly can't do that, you'll end up living a life that's probably not going to satisfy you. I doubt my H would have said he'd have an A either...but you may eventually find yourself in a situation where you have that opportunity and you may not be able to resist. I wish my H had forced the sex issue earlier rather than not addressing it and falling into an A which is now so much more damaging.

Anyway, you are doing the right thing by getting counseling and I think your counselor is right on in her advice. I also don't think you should be afraid to stand up to your wife and eventually, you may need to give her an ultimatum around getting help or communicating with you or you can't be in this marriage.

Truly, you are learning a ton about relationships and about yourself. I hope your wife will eventually see that.