My wife and I have committed to work on our marriage, so I thought I should make a post in this forum. The initial post will be long, but I'll try to keep them shorter in the future.
My situation is the typical situation that you find on this board. Wife had enough, she moved out, had an affair and here we are now. The only difference is she had an A with another woman. It's all weird and convoluted. If you want more details feel free to check out my links above.
Around a month ago my wife and I started talking again. Everything was going okay, from my point of view at least. Then she told me that she didn't want to give me the wrong impression and that she has no desire to be with me. Fast forward a month and she sends me a text asking if we could talk about living together because watching the kids live in two different places is tearing her apart.
We talked about it and I told her that I can't just sell my house to move in with her. I need to know that she is committed to working on the marriage. She told me that ILYBINILWY. She followed that by saying that she was at one point and her feelings changed, so they could feel in love with me again. So, she is open to working on us. She still seems to be a bit resentful, even though she denies this. She seems to talk harshly toward me a bit. She told me that she's not meaning to, but that she is tired of trying to please everyone...she is who she is and people can accept it or reject it. I like the attitude, but I'm not so keen on the way she's talking to me. I understand she's probably still hurt and upset. So this may be something that will calm down a bit with time.
So that last two nights I have stayed at her place. It's been a bit awkward as I feel like a guest in her house and weirded out about going into her closets, room, etc. She told me there was no need for me to feel that way. I think that will go away with time too. She seems to be holding me at a distance, which again, I can understand. It took a long time for the marriage to get to the point that it's in now, so I do not expect her to jump into my arms and act like nothing happened. Our plan is to take things slow. I do not plan on moving in full time. I'll take it a day at a time and go from there. I do sleep on the couch or in my girls' room. I suppose that is to be expected as well.
I don't feel like either of us is putting our guard down. I can feel it when we talk. Last night we spoke about living in the moment and enjoying today while not worrying about the future...the whole day at a time thing. I told her that I'm not going to push a physical relationship on her...it will come in time. I don't want her to feel that pressure from me. She said that was good as it would just drive her the other way.
So, where do I go from here? I think we are both doing this for the benefit of the kids. However, I feel like I'm the only one that is really open to a relationship beyond roommates. She says she is willing to try, but I don't feel it. I'm trying to trust that she means what she says, but so much has happened it's hard to. I'm concerned that she's cake-eating at this point. However, looking at it from a different perspective, she is asking me to move in with her. She calls me now instead of text messages me. She asked me to come over for dinner the other day (before I agreed to stay) and even fixed me something different than what they were eating as she knows that I'm eating healthier. Which I never said anything to her about...I suppose the 50 pound weight loss gave it away.
Two or three months ago she was blaming me for everything, telling me that I was the most negative person ever and she can't stand to be around me. So, obviously there have been some baby steps. I guess I'm just not sure how to view all of this. There is the concern that she is going to run away again. I tell her that I'm hesitant because of this and she tells me that we shouldn't worry about the future but take it a day at a time...looking at the worst case scenario is being negative.
I don't know if I should be looking at this as piecing. Is this what piecing really is? I imagine it is a slow process as trust and hurt have played a big role in the breakup of the marriage. Are most piecing situations like this though...where both are very stand-offish? My logic tells me that it will take time and there will be baby steps that will happen that will improve our situation. I do have the tendency to put the cart before the horse. I have to admit though that I'm not to trusting of her willingness to work on the marriage, or if she's just cake-eating. She did say something that made sense last night though...she said that if she wasn't willing to work on us then she wouldn't have let me move in.
I'm scared of being hurt again and I'm feeling like I'm sticking my neck out there a lot. I don't want to end up with my head on a platter if you know what I mean.
