Should I ask or not? I will. So, how does he claim to profess to love ow? Is he "in love" with her or just "loves" her as a person?
Yep, he claims to be IN love with her. Stupid thing is, he comes home last night and says to me: She's so f'g snarky. Made a comment about me bringing my daughter to see you. Me: why? H: oh, just to be snarky. So I snarked back about her leaving MY daughter with her husband. I saw my daughter for 6 hours this week. When will I get to see her for 70 hours a week like X(her husband) does? Me: And she said? H: oh she bitched at me for being snarky.
Passive aggressive, one-upmanship isn't love.
More later.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
H had a good day with daughter yesterday. He still doesn't quite see that OW saying she would probably MEET him at the day care (but then showing up at the regular time - some 5 hours later) wasn't manipulation, nor IMO child abuse. She'd rather H drive the baby around for 5 hours with diarrhea than bring her home somewhere where she's comfortable???? .. Anyway... He's already talking about bringing her home here though if she's sick the next time. His words: F her.
(OW doesn't know that H brought daughter to go see his sis in law)... nor does she know that he's made plans for me to meet her next week. (I'm remaining optimistic, but know this can change like the wind).
This morning, called me his cougar again and flirted. He then proceeds to talk about getting custody, and going to his lawyer. He's going to give OW, X amount of time to tell her H that his daughter is my husbands. (He's still making deals with God at this point... if this, then I'll do that. Those deadlines as I've seen in the past always are moveable until he's backed into a corner.)
I guess the heart felt talk got through Thursday night. Especially me reiterating that WE are the best chance his daughter has at a happy ... HEALTHY family life. He actually had convinced himself that it was I who didn't want anything to do with a child. I just kept saying, family, family, family. He called me his angel that night, and said this year was going to be long and difficult because he has to do this ... his way.
I'm off to see if I can find a line of clothing that daughter will especially like.
Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
OT, he did initially 2 years ago, before OW told him it wasn't his. (Which he also this morning now is remembering SHE lied to him about it.... fog lifting?)...
Lawyer said because infant, breast feeding, hard to get away from mother. He's got it in his head... it's a first step into the alien abduction intervention.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
I'm not in the US. Thus laws for full custody aren't the same as they usually are in many/most states.
He'll go for joint custody first. Full is his goal. I don't want to say all of the concerns we have... but the L said initially it's a process based on what those concerns are.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
To be honest, I thought H had completely "forgotten" those concerns... from his comments in the last 48 hours. Doesn't appear so.
Also OT, re: your words about "that child" etc. I've been very purposeful about using her real name in convo with H. H has responded positively to it. So... so noted.
He isn't thrilled about 11 to 12 hours in daycare etc. He also just defied OW and said, I'm picking her up early this afternoon. Her words: well, I'll just get off early. My words: Yeah, like yesterday? Just go plan to do something and maybe make HER wait around for a change - I highly doubt she'll leave her 3 day old job... EARLY.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
I got to talk to daughter on the phone. I went Christmas shopping and bought some cute stuff. Talked on the phone with him about 5 times today.
Lets see how the night goes
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
Had an interesting night. He's starting to talk about bringing daughter home after holidays. I suspect the OW will have other plans. He doesn't believe that she's trying to get him into the frame of mind that OW and daughter are a package deal.
He's still talking lawyer. He's still talking having daughter with him full time. But he still talks about OW positively. Don't suppose she's going to be so likable once her little fantasy of playing house with all her kids and him goes poof. (He swears up and down that he will NOT live with her and her kids.)
Said today, that he didn't think he'd have to move into the investment property to get his daughter with him full time. That's new. I pressed a bit. (probably too much). Said I could see daughter going to a local private school and us being involved. He liked that. We talked about reading to her, and getting her interested in reading etc. Liked that too.
Talked about living arrangements... put it in his mind that he should have a secondary investment property. (It's one of my boundaries so that if he goes off his rocker again... my security is no longer threatened.)(I intend to buy a house that will be in my name and mine only, even if we live in it together.)
He then got a bit shakey when I asked him a question saying: Is what I said ok? He then said: We'll see, see how long this all takes.
I'm aware he's not done the necessary distancing from OW to go too far into this but I wanted to see if his brain is still engaged. It seems to be in spirts and bits. He even has a name for daughter to call me. (It's a play on my name).
All in all, not a bad 24 hours.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
Hey, he called me his "wife" today. Just realized that. He was talking/musing/working out/supposing about what a lawyer could "sell" as us being primary/sole custody of daughter.
I'm kinda surprised about his mini turn around about not necessarily needing to live apart once we sell this house. (He wants to be mortgage free.) Hmmm. (I know, I know, this can change on a dime, but... seems he's at least keeping the door opened that inch).
Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
