I have not spoken, text or had any communication with my "wife" for a week, this is the longest I have gone without speaking to her in 15 years, its hard!
I am keeping busy and trying not to think about her, but the fact that I'm on here shows i am struggling!!
Kids are great, I love being with them and try to keep our time as much fun as possible, my daughter has a new phone and texts me all the time, its really nice.
I will maintain to be strong on this and will make no contact with her, I haven't even seen her when I get the kids.
I can only hope that she is finding this just as hard as me, maybe then she might feel that we have something worth working on, if not it is very clear that it really is time for me to give up and move on.
I would guess that your W will eventually find it rather hard to go without contact with you. Be patient, this all takes time. Some people decide they just don't want to put in the time it could take, but I sense that you can be very patient.
The A with om will probably burn out before too long. You said om comes in from out of town? Is he married or D? Does he have kids? I ask this, because everything added to it, makes it more complicated. He doesn't have the shared history with your W and kids that you do, so she can't just say "hey, remember when"? When she comes to her senses one day, she will see it was most certainly not all bad.
Good your D has a new phone, so she can always keep in contact with you. Does your S have his own cell phone, too?
II nice quiet weekend, had the kids, loads of contact with them when I didn't and still no contact from my wife.
It now feels like I'm DBing properly now?
Yes I made all the changes, yes she noticed them and commented on them, but our contact was daily, even though it was all from her.
But this is the first time we have has NO contact, no text, no calls, she has everything she has asked for, and as far as I know she is happy, that is not based on anything other than her having all she wanted.
I miss her dearly, but I also find I am more settled as I am off the rollercoaster, when we got on really well, and she told me how she felt, although I tried not to, I did get hopefull, I don't have that up and down anymore.
I have thought about what happens when we do speak next, I am not angry with her, and I'm not wanting to argue or fight.
I will be totally civil and calm.
But if she asks how I feel, whats going on, what do I say?
My thoughts are that I tell her, she has filed for divorce, she has the house I gave her, she has OM, so as far as I can see there is no need for us to speak, and just leave it there.
But I also want to say that is she wants to be "friends" again and speak daily, that she ends the situation with OM, am I being too forceful and demanding by saying that, or am I just establishing my boundaries.
I will not mention this unless asked, but I just want to be prepared for when this situation arises.
Absolutely, this is DBing. Keeping it civil and calm with her when you do speak regarding the kids. I would not tell her again that she has what she wanted, ie, filing for D, the house, etc, because all you will hear is her telling you again how hurt she is by the past, and so on. I wouldn't even mention it.
At this time, do not even get into any conversation that has anything to do with you two, only those that involve the care of your children. If she persists in asking you about your feelings or starts talking about your M, then find a way to end the call politely, like you have another call or have to be somewhere or something. You know, nice and detached.
She is not ready for the "end it with om" ultimatum. I would not go this route, until she says she may want to work on your M. I don't think it will go well at all if you do this.
Be patient, it may be awhile. The best thing you can do is what you are doing, staying off the roller coaster, and enjoying your life, and enjoying your kids.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
Still no contact with wife, I feel it's just a pride thing now!! Whatever!!
I'm in a real situation where I'm a little lost on what to do The om has been around the house some more, and he even brought his daughter for an evening
My kids have told me all about it, this is all fine and nothing really to do with me, do I'm fairly calm about this
What is on my mind is my kids don't like this guy? Don't thing he's done anything wrong, but they don't like him, I actually feel its not personal, it's just I'm really close to them and they miss me
They text and call me constantly, they tell me they miss me and love me, and I miss and love them dearly!!
Situation with my wife, I'm detached from, I miss her and love her, but she has made her decision so I just have to get on with it, but my kids are a different deal totally!!
Just not sure what to do?
I don't want to say anything to her about it, so do I wait and hope she can see how upset they are?
Yeah, let her see how it is affecting your kids. He isn't hurting them physically, so there is little you can do. I am sure they will let something slip now and then to their mother about how they feel. She may be trying to make it seem alright, by having om's daughter over, but she will eventually see it really isn't.
Are you making lots of holiday memories with your kids? Do y'all do Santa photos? Or maybe a lovely family photo of you and the kids, with copies for them to keep? You said you love and miss them dearly? Are you still seeing them as usual? I hope you still get them a lot. And, good for you on the continued good DBing! vc
Yeah, I have them 3 nights a week and during the day on a weekend We get on great and really enjoy just being together, just wish it was all of us!!
I had some pics done recently of the 3 of us, I got them scanned and the kids have them on their phones
We are really close, just wish I had realized what I had before all this happened
Not sure what wife is thinking, seems to me she's trying too hard, but the kids, especially my son have made their feelings known, it's not my business though
She has to be able to look at herself in the mirror I don't think she would ever put a man on front of them, but who knows!!
Unfortunately, while we are thinking clearly, they are not. They do a lot of stuff we didn't think they would ever do. Hopefully it won't be a long time before your W comes out of her crisis, and sees what is really important.
