Hello P, First of all, sorry that you are hearing this while you are deployed. That is just unsat!
Second, bravo to coyote for giving some good advice. I agree with him, what she is saying is actually a positive, she is not asking you to leave her life, she has noticed your changes,even from 8,000 miles away! She is unsure, but still wants to be connected to you in a number of ways.
Not trying to get your hopes up, but your sitch is far from hopeless. You continue to stay on course, continue to DB, act as if. Hang in there P. Gunny
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
Thanks Gunny... I have to tell you- I'm a former Marine ( before I did the unspeakable deed- switched to the Guard) Thanks again for the Hope.... Hope is priceless. This site has been more helpful than words can say. Thanks again Gunny. Semper Fi P
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Hi Everyone, Wish me luck- I’m waiting for the 1st of many flights that will eventually bring me HOME…should be there in about 2 weeks I may be out of the loop- but I’ll check on everyone’s sitches whenever technologically possible & will keep you posted on my own issues. So nervous… my wife & kids will meet me at the airport when I finally get home-Do I try to hug or kiss my wife?!... I know that I’ll hug both Boys so close they won’t be able to breathe. I’ve prepped the battlefield, I’ve made changes already & feel good about them. I have IC appts sched’d & yoga membership arranged, ski trip planned, scouted out D support groups in my area, checked race schedules ( going to attempt my 1st marathon). My wife told our 2 Boys that I am a changed man….The kids joke around & call me a “hippie vegetarian”…they have noticed that I have more patience now & a more positive/ pay –it-forward attitude. The sad thing is, W can call me a changed man, but not consider a 2nd chance or MC. A combination of what I experienced in Afghanistan -but mostly what the D. bomb caused… My soul has been torn & burnt but I swear that I WILL rise from the ashes as a better man, a better father & with God’s grace and mercy, a better H for my W. Thanks again for the support. You have given me a priceless gift—HOPE Good luck everyone, hang in there P
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Not a problem. Sorry to hear you were feeling down. Par for the course for such a lousy situation. Good to hear you're picking the pieces up one at a time. Keep chippin' away at things. The sun will shine again but first it has to peek through one cloud at a time.
I haven't posted much in the last seven years. I've been a lurker. Just lookin' to put back all the good help I've gotten...
Opinions? Hopefully this wasn’t a mistake— Just got off of the phone with my Chaplain from my home state. I’ve been corresponding with him via email & phone since W dropped the D word. When my W first dropped the D bomb on me, I was devastated, at an all-time emotional low in my life. She was worried about me…. I was a mental wreck, combined with the fact I’m in Afghanistan, a combat area & easy access to weapons – she was worried that I would hurt myself. Actually- how worried could she be…she sends a “Dear John” email after 17 years of marriage, and can’t wait until I get home in a couple of weeks to discuss our R?! She contacted our local Chaplain & asked him to check on me. Shortly after the D bomb email, I discovered this site, some great literature & talked to a few close friends…. Learned about 180s & GAL. I’m determined to rise from the ashes like a phoenix and become a better ME. Still devastated, but I have HOPE. Hope for a better me, to be a better Dad & God willing- a better husband for my W. The Chaplain can’t understand why my W won’t consider MC & why she seems in such a rush to walk away from a 17 year M ( most of it has been beautiful—just the last 2-3 yrs have been tough). I told him that I’m in no position to argue with her, reason or plead, as it will just make her dig her heals in deeper & run from me faster. All I can do is try to be understanding & work on ME…and hopefully things work out eventually. He is supposed to call my W, just to let her know that I’m doing fine, and that I’m actually adjusting to the situation… that this was a catalyst to improve myself. I told him that if he wants to know why she won’t consider MC, maybe he should ask… & maybe he should ask her why she is in a rush to dissolve a 17 yr marriage. He wants to know—maybe she will give him an answer, maybe he will convince her to agree to see him for MC before bailing on the M. These questions are coming from him…not me… Is this a bad move? Opinions? Fyi- first flight outa here is in a few hours…. Home by Christmas I hope!!! Can’t wait- although my stomach is in a knot thinking about the sitch.
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I'm also new here. I wanted to say I just read your thread. Sorry to hear about your problems. I'm just figuring out the whole "Wow I need to be in this for the long haul part."
I also wish for a quick fix. Keep with the DB/DR program and listen to what 25yearmlc said about what you resist, persists!
I am also a veteran. And a veteran of a life of being a military brat and military spouse. You probably have a strong, independant wife. Detach as best as you can when you get back. Maybe she is afraid you will come back and she won't have that freedom she has been enjoying. Step back into your share of chores around the house, but don't just take over everything. Let her see the new you!
My view, and just my opinion!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
I was thinking about what you are facing in the next few weeks. Do you have a plan for how you are going to keep your cool? In my own life I try to plan ahead and have the words practised in my head. Of course we can never imagine the scenarios that will actually come up. I also have been trying to take two long slow breaths (yoga style) everytime I am blindsided by something. And thinking before I talk. And sometimes actually walking into the other room and saying excuse me a minute, I'll be right back.
Everyone says this is a rollercoaster, and boy is it! I hope you can remember that! It is like Disney: rollercoasters and trains. Just remember to skip the fireworks!
About your question above about the chaplain: Your wife may or may not listen to him. She might not be listening to anyone right now. I forced my husband to go to one counseling session with me. It wasn't very productive. I believe you have stated that you will go to MC. I think until she is ready to go it won't get you much. Just DB your best and see what happens!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
W. Thanks for checking out my sitch. The temper thing is under control... I know how much is at stake, also this deployment has been rough...I think that I've learned not to sweat the small issues & to be thankful for my many blessings. W has noticed that I'm definitely improving in that area-- recently she lost my car keys ( $400 to replace) & the kids have broken things around the house and I took everything in stride when she told me..." no problem, these things happen"... Just thinking BEFORE speaking is so important...part of my 180. I have ic appts sched'd. I would love to see a mc but my w said that it's too late? Oh well- my only real options are to 180,gal n hope & pray for a happy ending. Thanks again for checking out my sitch. You should really be proud of your gal activities. Keep it up, someday our spouses will realize what they are losing and will come to their senses. P
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The Chaplain said that if/when there is a D, that the chances on reconciling are extremely rare.... I'm scared because my w wants to skip Seperation and just D?! Is this true?
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I may be out of the loop- but I’ll check on everyone’s sitches whenever technologically possible & will keep you posted on my own issues. So nervous… my wife & kids will meet me at the airport when I finally get home-Do I try to hug or kiss my wife?!... I know that I’ll hug both Boys so close they won’t be able to breathe. I’ve prepped the battlefield, I’ve made changes already & feel good about them. I have IC appts sched’d & yoga membership arranged, ski trip planned, scouted out D support groups in my area, checked race schedules ( going to attempt my 1st marathon). My wife told our 2 Boys that I am a changed man….The kids joke around & call me a “hippie vegetarian”…they have noticed that I have more patience now & a more positive/ pay –it-forward attitude. The sad thing is, W can call me a changed man, but not consider a 2nd chance or MC. A combination of what I experienced in Afghanistan -but mostly what the D. bomb caused… My soul has been torn & burnt but I swear that I WILL rise from the ashes as a better man, a better father & with God’s grace and mercy, a better H for my W. 