Confronted spouse...now he wont come home

[Nblost]

Thanks for your thoughts. I agree there is some hope...and I'm lucky that my H has never said he wants a D. He's been willing to say he'd move out, but that's been more in reaction to me telling him he can't stay if he continues the A.

Right, H is dreading the bachelor pad. He said to me back in October, "I wouldn't want to live alone...I wouldn't know what to do when I didn't have the kids". (Great sign of being comfortable with yourself, huh?) My guess is he'd travel for work and just try to have the kids at a hotel on the weekends. That'd mean leaving his stuff here...which annoys me...but in a way, I guess is probably not bad to make for that smoother paved road home. The other thing that gets under my skin is I'd guess he'd try to have his visitation schedule synch up for when OW has her kids. I'm sure there's not a lot I can do about that...but it's annoying. He knows logistics of OW and the kids being 2,000 miles away will be hard.

I think the DUMBEST thing is that I really believe my H can't decide. I swear if you aren't sure...everything I read (granted, written for rational people) says you have to give your marriage a chance. How can you leave three little girls without saying you tried? I just hope deep down, he can realize that.

I really believe DB is helping me...he's been warming up gradually to me and seeing some changes. Just hard to know...on the other hand, I've never seen him act the way he's acting and be so cold at times.

One other thing. I have a CD in my car that I've listened to almost nonstop since the affair. Sara Groves, Add to the Beauty. It has a christian bent to it, but the lyrics are perfect for DB-ing and it seems like she wrote it in response to marital problems/affairs. I'd highly recommend especially if you are struggling with radio music. (I can't stand the radio right now...especially seeing H mouthing along to some really stupid pop songs about love...)

Me: 43, H: 45
D10, D8, D4
M: 12
Affair: 8/11
Affair continues, H still at home