Living with groundlessness

[AntoniaB]

Kimmerz don't start taking all the blame for "controlling" behavior...we all do the best in the situation with what we have and know and with what our exes expect of us too.

My XH and I made every financial decision together verbally, but I had to be the one to do the legwork too. The only time in his life when he had to handle all that "adult" stuff was during the divorce, and it took him 5 months just to take the papers to file for divorce to the courthouse. All he had to do was print them out from the govt website and drop them off with a check. For 6 months, the final piece of the settlement was that money had to move from my retirement acct to his. When the ball was in my court, he contacted me every other week to say "why hasn't anything happened yet" even though I had taken care of it and legal things "take time." When the ball was in HIS court, and all he had to do was to sign the final papers that were mailed to him and the money would be transferred, he didn't do it. FOR THREE PLUS MONTHS. When I saw him in person I said "look I don't know why the money isn't moving." He said "I know why. I never signed the papers." I said "good lord, why??" He just said "I don't know, I see the papers on my desk and I never seem to find time to sign them and mail them."

Some guys want a mom. I'm sure some ladies want a "dad." It isn't your fault.

Now that I'm not with XH, the ONLY thing he has to be responsible for is going to work, and that gets to him. I can't imagine being 45 and not even wanting to have a house if I could afford it. He has the money! He has enough cash from our settlement to put about 50% down on a nice home. But he wants to live like a college student. Forever.

Some of us grow out of that phase. I like to "visit" being a college student with friends once in awhile, but I don't want to live there!