That ended up being what I sent.. It started a little dialogue between us.
She said that she hoped I had a good turn out and to let her know if I needed help.
I explained that I wanted to have a good turn out too but would be happy with whatever the outcome because it would be more than If I let fear of rejection stop me from posting my party.
She totally understood that.
I also put the responsibility back on her and said that I'd love the help in whatever way she could and was comfortable with
Her response "Thanks! I'm not sure what that looks like for me but I'd love to help."
I didn't respond. Im pretty sure it had to do with me but I didn't have a good response and was GALing by then.
And that was that. I try not to expect anything but it does feel like our dynamic is changing.
I Think I still talk too much and that I'm a little too open with my fears and changes im making. However I don't really do it for the same reasons as I used to. I no longer have that "look at me! Look at me!" need.
It's more conversational. Like this is what I'm doing because this is who I am now.
Putting the responsibility back on her is new. Her being honest in her response back is new.
*shrug*
I'll do my best to manage my emotional rollercoaster. It's Not about her and I... It's about these kids
However.. Should God see fit for us to interact more, I'll most likely talk to a coach.
Overall I find this interesting. I do wonder why she needs to figure out how to best interact with me. It's like I put her on an emotional rollercoaster as well.
Its hard to not ask "well if she is soo done with us why does she need to really think about how to interact with me? Why does she need to protect herself the same way I do?"
"Is she persueing me?"
All useless mind reading and hamster wheel spinning.
I guess I just dont understand how we can have Similar fears seeing that i have been pleasant and keeping the door open an she has spewed venom and closed her door.
For now, I don't think I'm supposed to.
Oh well.. I'll just have to keep on keeping on.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Val, I know how difficult this is, No Expectations, but this is a little better.
Acknowledge it for what it is a small positive, a baby step improvement. Anticipate some pull back or disappointment. Do not allow this to overcome the small positive; rather prepare a shield to protect you with.
A Spartan wife is rumored to have told her warrior husband as he left for battle “carry your shield back or be carried back upon it”
Go and share in the joy of your efforts to brighten other’s Christmases. If you are able to brighten even one person’s it is a worthy effort.
I know the tight feeling in the pit of your stomach, relax, trust in your faith, stay off the wheel.
I’ll hope and pray you have good valid reasons to speak with a coach.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
JS and Bklyn both said it well already. I wanted to add that you have inspired me to do something to help others this Christmas. Not sure what I will be doing just yet, but I will involve my kids as well. Going to check in my area to see where the greatest need is, a food bank, etc.
She cant resist you;) Enjoy the good stuff when you can!
Ha! That would be a pretty incredible 180 for her! I'm attractive enough but my w has criticized me more than complimented me for 9 yrs... but I'd be open to the idea of positive reinforcment
Originally Posted By: Autumn Leaves
JS and Bklyn both said it well already. I wanted to add that you have inspired me to do something to help others this Christmas. Not sure what I will be doing just yet, but I will involve my kids as well. Going to check in my area to see where the greatest need is, a food bank, etc.
So thank you for the inspiration!!
You're quite welcome. It warms my heart that you are doing something to help others. That's so great!
Originally Posted By: JustStunned
Val, I know how difficult this is, No Expectations, but this is a little better.
Acknowledge it for what it is a small positive, a baby step improvement. Anticipate some pull back or disappointment. Do not allow this to overcome the small positive; rather prepare a shield to protect you with.
True it is. I need to work on building that shield though. I think a huge part of that is just living my life. Not pursuing in anyway. I let her make all the contact.
Originally Posted By: JustStunned
Go and share in the joy of your efforts to brighten other’s Christmases. If you are able to brighten even one person’s it is a worthy effort.
Yes it is. That's where my focus needs to be for the next month.
Originally Posted By: BklynMom
I know the tight feeling in the pit of your stomach, relax, trust in your faith, stay off the wheel.
I’ll hope and pray you have good valid reasons to speak with a coach.
Wouldn't it?!? If she keeps up the friendly banter I might. Right now I'm waiting a few hours to respond to her (that's what I did with the garland convo). She gets back to me pretty quickly though.
I'm moving forward with who I want to be (Nice, not pursuit).. but if it keeps up.. a db coach will need to happen.
Sent my car response to my w. Simplified it a bit. I figured we can talk about some stuff later as we get closer to completing the car part. No need to upset things before we even start.
I did tell her about how I would like to proceed. I made it out to sound like a preference vs. a must (although it is a must for me)
Basically - I kept it friendly but to the point. I like friendly.. I'm not really looking to go back to the last 5 months when she was super cold and I was just deflecting arrows.
Have a good weekend everyone. I'm GALing the sh!t out of my weekend by working on a music video and commercial back to back. 30 hour work day commences now.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Just wrapped hour 20. Man.. I could do this crap all the time when I was 21... Not so easy now.
I remember 24 on 24 off, 24 on 24 off, 48 on 24 off guard rotations. I don’t think I could do those now.
Recently I came to understand episodic television typically runs 12+ hour days. I watched a documentary “The Captains” where the hours were discussed. I do not envy your hours. Rest well.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
