I am new to this site and would like to share my story. It is a long one but I will get to the point, as best as I can. I've been with my wife for 17 yrs. Married 13 yrs, dated 4yrs, 1 son 7yrs old and 1 girl 9yrs old. I have done my share of damage,I drank too much ( haven't drank in 4 yrs) As well, I was caught with an OW 1 month after my son was born. After my wife found me w/ the ow, I did not come home. I stay with OW for a 1.5 yrs. My wife begged me to come home, but I just was running wild. BUT then something woke me up on Xmas morning and came over me, so I left the OW and headed to my mom's (who lives 7 mins from my house). Wife would not let me back in the house. I cleaned up my act and started to re-engauge with kids and was trying to get back home. After about 3 months, my wife told me to come home. I have been home now for about 4 yrs and we really look like a family on the outside. My wife is so beautiful and our kids are the best ( in my eyes) but she has not forgiven me and we never really came together. I have tried everything, but we just haven't come together. We just went to Disney in FLA, and it was great.I asked her " babe are you ok / are you really happy) She replied "Iam good Josh .. I love you"... But now my wife has asked me to leave and she wants to get seperated. We have lived together and acted like a family for the last 4 yrs.. trying to come together, but hasnt worked for her . 2 weeks ago she went out for the day with a bunch on older women ( they go every year),some are divorced without kids and some are just alone. She changed after that day. She now is so mad and has been going out until 12 midnite or 1am nite after nite. She would go out with our freinds wives once in awhile, but now she is just gone. She said she wants me to leave and live apart seperated. I am crushed.. I am a great provider, changed and I believe a great husband ( not perfect) and my kids and I are best freinds. I am lost AGAIN and need some help .. do I go and see what happens or do I stay and fight for my family
I'm David, and as you can see, I registered here a long time ago. For some reason I felt compelled to come back, and maybe it's to talk to you. The answer is simple: you fight for your family, but you don't know how. The first step would be to read the Divorce Remedy, the first chapter of which is on this board. Then buy the book and read the rest of it. The next thing I might suggest is the Retrouvaille program. Look into it. Third, I would suggest that you find your spiritual self and establish a relationship with God, however you define him. A very important thing to embrace is that this will take TIME, and this process flies in the face of conventional wisdom. You didn't get here in a day, and you won't fix this in a day. Read the book! Back off, give her air (not the cold shoulder, but breathing room) and try to figure what's wrong with YOU, because you're in this together, but YOU is all you can fix.
God Bless,
David
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
Thank you for the kind words and for taking the time to read apart of my story. Yes I have the book and have & will continue reading it. As well, I am working on connecting with God or my higher power. My wife and I have been through so much together and of course I made the key mistakes.. drinking, OW and so now. But I've been home or back for awhile now, but we just haven't really connected again. She has never dealt with the forgivness, angry, and her pain of me leaving her. When I came back home.. life just seemed to go on..Yes she was crushed, hurt and angry, but we never dealt with it together. We have had a lot of good times over the last couple of years, but never really connected the way we should have. I wish I could clearly explain our whole relationship,on this one post, but I guess it only matters about today. I know we love eachother, we have 2 great kids, I am a good provider, we have a great house, I have a great job, all is good, but I cheated 5 years ago and didnt come home once I was caught, I stay with OW on and off for a year. Then I begged wife to take me back and over the last 4 years, that I have been home, I've been sober, a great dad, loving husband , I mean.. I've done everythong right..but now W wants her space and that means I have to go. This time of year is a big trigger for her too.. this is the time of year that I was caught with OW.
Thank David .. I am really just confused. My W and I did seem to be getting closer, she was starting to show signs of affection..like calling me back to bed in the morning as I was getting ready for work, just to hug me and hold eachother.We just came back from Disney a month ago, where we had a great time and she told me she loves me and that she was happy. It was starting to seem like, life was going to finally just start moving forward and we weren't going to be talking about our R anymore..... But now 3 weeks ago, after an all day trip with a few singal & D'ed friends, she tells me " I want my space, I want to try something different,like living apart for 6 months, I just want to be with our kids and my friends, and I need it all on paper, so we will need to be legally seperated". She would go out with our married friends wives , like once in awhile, but over the last 3 weeks, she has on out close to 10 night, a few nights she came home after 1am. I have asked her think please take some time & space to think about this. She said " I will think about it and let you know after xmas" .. this stinks !!! She is gouing out again tonight !!
