Anotonia and Punkin, I was just thinking the same thoughts last night and of course over the last several months.
I am a fixer, I take action, I strive to problem solve. This was appreciated by my husband at one time, but now it's turned into me having control issues and me making him feel stupid every time we talk.
I too am the " go to " person in my friendships, and even at work with co workers about many things. They appreciate my point of view and my perspective of things. I've been this way all my life, even as a kid. I've always looked at " the big picture" of things when considering what ever issues lie ahead of me. yet I apply this to my own marriage and all I get is rejectcion, projection, resistance and refusal to listen.... basically a train wreck.
Why is it that if we posess this wondeful type of trait, and that we do such good with it in helping others, why does it create a train wreck in our marriages?
I don't get it! LOL!
I just agree with AJM. It's really not us, is it?
I guess what's so ironic is that one of the biggest things we were loved for, are now what makes them run?
And to be completely frank, I see that I feel the same way about stbx too. I really liked his quiet and sweet side. But it turned into stone cold silence. I know to him he loved my extroverted personality, and direct approaches to life. But then again what used to be fun about it turned into a buzkill because it turned into always bringing up responsibilities and things being too serious for him.
Funny thing is, if you look at the big picture, those traits in a person are actually qualities that can work for the relationship. Maybe Im on the spot and seem controlling, but to me Im responsible, making sure bills get paid, kids get fed, groceries on the table, etc. Maybe he was too quiet, but boy did I learn to appreciate someone not nagging the heck out of me after a long day of dealing with needy people at work.
