One of the first things in dealing with a MLCer, is understanding that each MLC is as unique as the person going through it.
Every MLC is different, although almost all follow a "script".
TM is correct, some run from parental obligations, some crave it....depends on the MLCer.
I have seen extreme cases where the MLCer completely cuts off contact with children. In most of those, the MLCer will proclaim that their job is done, and think of the children as being much older than they really are. That them leaving will have no affect on their children.
I have seen (lived with a ) MLCer that clung tightly to the children, although almost the same rules applied there. The children were old enough to (in her mind) fend for themselves. (When it was convenient for her to).
Grace's quote is the best (thanks PEI)...
It is not your job to facilitate the relationship...It is your job to not interfere with the relationship.
I would leave the option open for whatever contact your spouse wants.....Don't force anything more, and try to accept whatever they CAN give.
Do NOT expect anything too deep (emotionally) from your MLCer. They simply are not capable right now.
That is why it is important to not interfere. There will come a day when YOU are held accountable for your actions through this too...
From your children, and maybe worse yet....yourself
