we had lunch today. it was pleasant and we joked and chatting in the car casually on the way there. based on the things from the past two days i felt that things were getting better... perhaps they are though it is sometimes hard to tell...and i suspect that "better" probably means different things to different folks.
she told me she wanted to be my friend but she couldn't be my friend until i had done more healing and figuring out who/what i am and all the rest. kind of a let down i suppose but better than her saying she didn't want to be my friend.
then again, when i got home last time she was angry at herself for thinking that we'd end up friends after all this was said and done. i am not sure how i could be her friend after all, if we weren't married i would never, ever, be friends with someone that could hurt me and did hurt me so deeply...that doesn't mean i don't want to be her friend just that i don't know how and, honestly, i don't want that as the primary relationship between us. i have friends, i would like to have my wife and son and marriage back.
