Gosh. I'm not sure I'm very useful, but I sure feel every step of your pain. I was pretty codependent on my ex, mostly POST-bomb. I can't even begin to tell you how to deal w/it in your marriage, as I only dealt w/it by divorcing. (Isn't that special?)
W/my boyfriend, I noticed that I was a bit that way in the beginning our "committed" relationship. Combine that w/lingering trust issues, and Ewwwwwwww... So, what helped me was talking through this w/my IC. Mostly discussing not transferring xH's sins in our marriage on to new boyfriend.
So, how do you deal w/it w/the same husband?
Not sure... But, I think I'd start w/a mental (perhaps written) checklist of what would make you feel more secure in your relationship while enjoying an independent life.
Just some thoughts for the day over a bowl of soup @ lunch!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
