I'm sorry for your situation. You played the tough love card when she was asking for love. DB says ignore them and let them come back to you, but I think you owe her a giant apology.
You could benefit from some individual counseling to find out why you were so insistent on not meeting her expressed needs. Another book you might find helpful is the Five Love Languages.
Some empathy wouldn't hurt either. Some moms get lots of love and fulfillment from their young children and nothing hurt me more than when my S13 first started to rebuff my kisses and act like I was lame and embarrassing. Your D7 is probably also getting past the baby stage and acting more independent. Perhaps she was getting a lot of her emotional needs met by the kids and when she turned to you instead what did she get? Put up or shut up. Real nice.
Your single friend is a jerk to be with her; what a clueless friend. Your W is hurting and likely trying to punish you with this but it takes two to tango and he has no such excuse. No friend there, and don't blame your W for losing that one. You're better off knowing who he is.
My opinion, work on yourself, prove you're someone worth coming back to. I'd say that although DB frowns on it, you need to make sure she knows you are sorry and hope she'll come back, and that things will be different and better, since you did basically say the opposite of all that when you pushed her out the door.
Good job for finding this site - it could really help you a lot. Keep posting because it helps to vent your feelings and frustrations here and get advice. I've found that friends in the outside world just don't get it, and give profoundly bad advice. Here are friends who've been there and know some things.
Good luck to you.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
