Carefully moving forward from H's mlc - ctflor

[angel61]

CTflor, it took time to get to this point. Recovery will take as much or even more time. In this journey, the MLC'er actually is ahead of us in a sense, because they had been hurting even before we were aware of it. When bomb drop happens, our own journey starts. In many of the affair recovery articles I have read, the person who was cheated on has a more difficult time recovering. The anger, the memories, difficulty forgiving - thats all par for the course. ZBoth of you will have to be patient; you have to make it clear to him that you are also on your own journey.

J3B, you are right about the defenses. IN my case, since my sitch has been going on for 17 mos. now, now that I see H struggling to work on the M, I feel so detached and am wondering how I could open up to him without becoming vulnerable again.

The change in the situation is hard to sope with. I have seen other posters say: OMG, my spouse wants to go home. What do I do???? and its not as if that was what they were praying for all the time, but when the actual time comes, it is scary! Untested ground, actually.

For me, I find that being in touch with the people here who have gone through a variety of sitches and stages that we are going through ourselves is so valuable. By carefully listening to what everyone has to say, finding what concepts/ideas resonate with your own and are relevant to your sitch - I have found that I have sort of developed a map of my own to follow.

Sometimes, people post things that may seem offensive, but I have found that usually this happens to me when it is against my own beliefs or what I desire to happen. But sometimes, it is precisely these viewpoints that would shake you up and make you more open to other ways of thinking, which might be precisely what is needed at this point.

Keep your heart and mind open, and work on losing that anger and learning to forgive. Forgiveness, as they say, is actually more for yourself than for him.