Grace, Love, Compassion, and Faith - EVEN BETTER

[Valeska19]

Thanks bkm and JS.

That ended up being what I sent.. It started a little dialogue between us.

She said that she hoped I had a good turn out and to let her know if I needed help.

I explained that I wanted to have a good turn out too but would be happy with whatever the outcome because it would be more than If I let fear of rejection stop me from posting my party.

She totally understood that.

I also put the responsibility back on her and said that I'd love the help in whatever way she could and was comfortable with

Her response "Thanks!  I'm not sure what that looks like for me but I'd love to help."

I didn't respond.  Im pretty sure it had to do with me but I didn't have a good response and was GALing by then.

And that was that.  I try not to expect anything but it does feel like our dynamic is changing.

I Think I still talk too much and that I'm a little too open with my fears and changes im making.  However I don't really do it for the same reasons as I used to.  I no longer have that "look at me! Look at me!" need.

It's more conversational. Like this is what I'm doing because this is who I am now.

Putting the responsibility back on her is new.   Her being honest in her response back is new.

*shrug*

I'll do my best to manage my emotional rollercoaster.   It's Not about her and I... It's about these kids

However.. Should God see fit for us to interact more, I'll most likely talk to a coach.

Overall I find this interesting. I do wonder why she needs to figure out how to best interact with me.  It's like I put her on an emotional rollercoaster  as well.

Its hard to not ask "well if she is soo done with us why does she need to really think about how to interact with me?  Why does she need to protect herself the same way I do?"

"Is she persueing me?"

All useless mind reading and hamster wheel spinning.

I guess I just dont understand how we can have Similar fears seeing that i have been pleasant and keeping the door open an she has spewed venom and closed her door.

For now, I don't think I'm supposed to.

Oh well.. I'll just have to keep on keeping on.