Hi Ctflor I've been wondering how you're doing, glad I found you over here. Glad you're getting help for the anxiety. It sounds perfectly understandable to me - if my H broke down crying and wailing about a mistake he'd made that would put me on edge for the rest of the day too. Look at it without all the past summer as context and consider that he might need help dealing with what he's dealing with. I know he didn't like the MC you went to but when he's crying and in pain maybe he should consider trying an IC to help him productively deal with his guilt. He's letting his guilt be an excuse for him to cause you further pain of seeing him in pain, does that make sense? He should get some help and an outlet other than you to vent to.
The porn, your latest comment about it showed a lot of strength in that you were no longer embellishing it with "knowing your history how could he" and you were not equating him with your former H. Can you maybe open a nonthreatening conversation with him at a neutral time about it? What is he looking for in it that he didn't used to need to? Does he remember that you have a very low tolerance for it? Is he willing to give it up completely again, or does he think you should be ok with it? And really listen to his answers, don't use the conversation as a means to the end of eliminating porn. Find out what it means to him.
I also bristled at his comment that your GAL was "punishing" him. You took the summer to learn that you enjoy some personal time, and you need him to work with that without taking it personally. If his needs for quality time with you aren't being met because of how often you're making other plans, then make some dates with him and some dates to be out with friends, and invite his input. He's projecting his need to be punished to assuage his guilt onto you. How about making a commitment to some IC as a better "punishment"!
Good luck Ctflor. Keep well, and try to get more sleep! We are rooting for you and know that the piecing part is hard too.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
