Thank you everyone for providing so much of your input and thoughts. Even if the advice conflicts I enjoy reading it and trying to let it all soak in.
25, I think you have me mixed up with another poster somewhere because my W doesn't work and we don't have a disabled d….
Last night:
We went to our 6th MC session last night. For the last day or two she had been seeming pretty distant and I felt like something was bothering her, but I didn't nag her about it like I normally would have. Well, I found out why she was acting that way… she decided to discuss the A and snooping with the MC last night. Previously, we had not mentioned any of it during the MC sessions, instead focusing on everything else. So, I think she was preparing for the worst.
This was a pretty big relief to me since it was sorta like having a big elephant in the room that no one was talking about. She stuck to her original story about the alleged A with the MC. The MC was awesome in that he directly asked me if I thought an A occurred and is still occurring… so I just had to answer that as opposed to saying it directly.
I said that I have been living assuming an A occurred and that I am leaning towards it likely not still happening. My W admitted that the "friendship" was inappropriate and wrong for all the obvious reasons. She justified all of her actions and downplayed the whole thing to just a friendship. The MC asked me to detail some of the evidence I had and my W responded basically saying that everything was taken out of context. She used the excuse that her female friend was trying to hook-up with his male friend and my W and the OM were the middle people in that and established a friendship in the meantime. She said that the OM filled a need of attention she had since she had stopped talking to me. I don't really get that because she wouldn't need his attention had she not stopped talking to me.
My W admitted to talking to the OM again the last week, which I previously posted about. She claims it was to facilitate some kind of return for something her mother bought from the OMs store. I believe that story because there were calls/texts to her mom around the time she was talking to the OM again. And the phone calls to the OM were only like 15 minutes, so I can see that being sorta a "how are you doing" kinda conversation. The MC understood her logic in talking to the OM and made it very clear to her that she is to break all communication with the OM, no exceptions. My W agreed to this when the MC said it because he basically told her that whatever the reason is for communicating with him, it should not be a higher priority to her than repairing her M. Let's hope it sticks this time.
My W deleted his number from her phone on our car ride home. I know that its not hard for her to send him a message on Facebook or maybe her friend has his number in her phone, but really there's nothing else she can do other than deleting the number and promising again not to talk to him. Maybe this time hearing it from the MC will work?
I admitted to all the snooping I had done. I thought the MC was going to come down hard on me for that but he sorta rationalized it for me. I made it clear that I wasn't justifying my snooping, but rather explaining why I had done it. I also agreed to stop snooping.
The MC left us with the direction that we need to make this whole A stuff completely transparent to each other. He made it clear to my W that if I have questions, even if they are the same questions over and over, that she has to answer them. The only problem I have is that my W is sticking to the same story so for me to continue to hear what I consider the same lies over and over is not going to help. I really don't buy into her story and there's nothing she can tell me to change my mind, other than admitting to an A. But, if an A never happened that will obviously never happen. I guess I just have to live with never knowing… if something happened and she didn't admit to it by now, why would she?
So this whole MC session was a success I feel. I felt great once we left and we both have been a lot happier towards each other.
My current course of action is largely the same as my last few posts. I am working on the things discussed in the MC sessions, doing 180s on a lot of other stuff, and really just trying to demonstrate the positives about myself. I am kinda thinking about it in my head as being in some sort of competition with the OM about who is more fun to be around. I envy his position though because all he has to do is lend his ear, give biased advice, and be a blast to hang out with for a few hours. All the "changes" I'm making are really things that I should do regardless of whatever my W has done or is doing or will be doing. They will make me a better person for myself.
