H doesn't know I filed and I think by me filing it is bringing me added drama and guilty feelings and unhappiness. I need to focus on the kids right now and stop worrying about H and I and what is going to happen with us.
This is the last holiday season the kids will have as a family and we aren't even going to be together but I don't want H being angry and making it worse on the kids. He is spending Christmas Eve with the kids and then going out of town. We are both trying to act like this is normal so far the kids seem ok with it and I just want to make Christmas as good as it can be.
I know my friends are going to give me grief about putting it off but I do think I feel better. You are right this has been going on for so long what is a few more weeks?
