Woke up this morning feeling sad. I wish I did not feel anything at all, at least for now.
Been doing a lot of thinking about if my H and I got back together, how will I ever trust him again. He has done nothing but lie to me. How will I know if he is telling the truth. Even now when we talk, I do not know if it is the truth or a lie.
I'm sorry that today is a sad day. Is there anything that you can do for yourself today or tonight that is enjoyable to you? Visit some friends, a good DVD, go out for coffee with someone? As difficult as it is in the moment, I find that I have to distract myself to try to shake the mood, and other times a good cry in the shower helps too. Sorry Hopeful!
As far as trusting your H if you get back together again, I think you're putting the cart before the horse. Worrying about anything beofre it happens can create a self-fulfilling prophecy and does you no good.
The energy and effort that we put into worry is so much better spent on the things we can control.
I know it's really hard to turn the thoughts off. It's worth every effort to do so though.
If the two of you decide to put things back together, there are stategies and counselors and books and even a forum here.
First get through the workday. It helped me a lot on a sad day to make a list of goals for the day, like ONE really productive hour of work, a brisk walk, paint nails, easy stuff that I would feel good about and then get to work checking them off. Otherwise it is too easy to spend 8 hours wallowing...I've done it, heck I'm doing it now. Better go make a list...
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Hope... the two aren't intertwined necessarily... You don't trust him, clearly, but guess what... you have a d together. So you will have an r with this man for many years to come. Just because you divorce him doesn't end that.
The trust issue is going to have more to do with forgiveness than a legal piece of paper declaring a divorce. If you divorced him today and asked him to keep OW away from your daughter, would you trust that he would do that? If he violated that trust would it bother you? So now you'd be divorced and still not trusting him.
I'm not saying to not file or to file... I'm suggesting that filing and trust really don't have a direct relationship. If you want to trust him again you will need to find a way to forgive him for his transgressions and actions. Remember that forgiveness is for you, not for him. It allows you to move on without carrying all that pain around with you.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
I'm suggesting that filing and trust really don't have a direct relationship.
I see what you are saying.
We will always have a relationship rather we are married or not. I would to stay married to him.
When he had an emotional affair last year and moved out for 3 wks, I lied to myself. I told myself that I forgave him, but I didn't. Over a year later, I am at peace with that now. I think being separated 5 months has helped that. Now I have to deal with the fact he is sleeping with someone else. Once I can accept that, I have work on healing from that blow. I really don't have a choice in the matter when it comes to the OW.
Is that say true, Once a cheater always a cheater....
