JB, I stopped by for a minute. Sorry for the latest drama! What follows is JMVHO.
I think these are linked. I think she was affected by the first conversation. I think she sent the text to receive the reaction she wanted. Not that I would have reacted differently.
JMVHO. I think by continuing to permit this to affect you, you’ll continue to react in a way that rewards her.
It is absolute BS your son is in the middle of this. Protecting the children is the first priority.
Quote:
So then the conversation got to the point where I have volunteered to let S's friend spend the night. I also mentioned being at S's school the last couple of days. She made a comment that she was the one who made the presence at school at one time and now it's me. I mentioned talking to the teacher. I also mentioned I had some brownies that I could make for the boys after dinner.
She then said, "I don't know if I can handle all these changes!", and kind of chuckled. I just said, "I like 'em!". She noticed them before and honestly I thought they were status quo by this time. I guess I'll take them as small positives. Life is going on with or without her around here.
Quote:
I received this text from my W earlier today:
Hey...i just wanted u know I will be getting S around 6 tonight. Also I don't want u to be surprised or upset but I will have a friend with me when I come. It is totally up to u if u r ok with meeting but i understand if not and he can wait in the car. I feel we can be open about things so that's what I m trying to do. Let me know and I will do whichever..
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
I think these are linked. I think she was affected by the first conversation. I think she sent the text to receive the reaction she wanted. Not that I would have reacted differently.
Are you thinking she was starting to see some things she liked and felt the need to pull back? If so, I can see that.
Originally Posted By: JustStunned
JMVHO. I think by continuing to permit this to affect you, you’ll continue to react in a way that rewards her.
I will admit I wasn't very detached after this conversation. It took me awhile to cool down. Posting here helped with it, and I slept fine that night. This was a rare time, where I felt justified in my anger. This involved my S and I absolutely will NOT stand for her doing this to my S. There have been times where I felt bad about getting upset, but this wasn't one of them. The conversation probably went on a bit longer than it should have.
Originally Posted By: JustStunned
It is absolute BS your son is in the middle of this. Protecting the children is the first priority.
I took the day off exercise today. It was a raw rainy day with temperatures in the 40s, dropping into the 30s. I will probably take the day off tomorrow, but maybe double up on Thursday.
It was my first day back at work. Had a nice conversation talking with the woman in my group at work who is also a LBS, but recently D'd. At least we can encourage each other.
I had a very brief interaction with my W tonight. 5 minutes tops when she came to pick up my S. It was pleasant enough. I was in a hurry anyway to get dinner done and off to my Tuesday night (aka Ladies') relationships group at church.
We had a great group meeting tonight. We went off the script and just talked about surviving the holidays. We decided to meet during the month, instead of taking the month off. They are having a special meeting next Tuesday where the group leader is going to have a Mary Kay consultant come in - I am skipping that one Another output of our group meeting tonight is we started talking about doing things together more as a group. We're all in similar boats. There were 2-3 of us that started brainstorming on how we can start getting some people together for some GAL activities, and ultimately possibly starting a ministry for singles at our church. I was pretty stoked about helping to get that going.
Good morning JB, Glad to hear about your group meeting. Funny, we did the same thing at my Divorce Care Meeting on Monday. Spent most of the night talking about Lonliness as a result of D, esp during the holidays. Same thing, did quite a bit of brainstorming for ideas of things to do as a group during the period. Ideas that came out were for wine tasting at some local wineries, having open houses at some peoples homes, and my favorite, watching the annual reenactment of General Washington crossing the Delaware.
These groups sure are a godsend. I do wish I could find one that specifically dealt only with those who were separated,and who had not yet filed for D. Sometimes I feel people in our sitch are lumped in with those who are already divorced. Listening to the horror stories about dealing with L can be quite daunting. Your thoughts?
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
gunny, My group on Tuesday, too, is a mixture. We have both separated and divorced folks. In addition, we have a couple of widows. My group's a little different than a traditional Divorce Care group in that there's no finite number of meetings. We're actually doing the "Traveling Light" book by Max Lucado. I've been going since it started in early May. We've only done the first 8 chapters. Other weeks, we've gone off topic. I have not heard any horror stories in dealing with Ls at my group.
JB, perhaps this is me projecting my sitch IDK, but FWIW consider.
She sees you happy and at peace doing things she used to enjoy doing. You’re not supposed to be happy. You’re supposed to be miserable and unable to contribute positively to anything. You’re supposed to be less happy than she is.
Her dating is making her happy, and is another check mark on her WAS to do list. If she can through it in your face making you feel bad she’ll have put you back a few steps, or at the very least put you off balance.
Like I said I could be projecting my sitch.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Another day of no exercise. I plan on getting some in tomorrow, though.
On the way home from work tonight, my W calls me. (OK - what's this about? ) She was calling me to tell me she had just gotten a major promotion at work. I buried the residual anger from last week and enthusiastically congratulated her. She is an assistant manager for the property management company that owns her apartment. She was just promoted to manager. Instead of working 30 minutes now in one direction, she will be working 30 minutes in the other direction. They are also letting her out of her lease so she can move close to her job. And they're paying her rent. This move would put her 15 minutes (instead of 45-50 min.) from her family but 30 minutes (instead of 15) from me. She was very excited. She also told me she was in dire straits last weekend. She did mention we'd have to talk about how much I'm giving her for support right now (we have a handshake agreement where I am helping her with her rent) because her rent will now be paid, but she had to throw in that of course, the L will tell us that I will need to pay her support (she had to throw that in), but she intimated she's willing to waive it for now. Before we hung up, I told her congratulations again, and that she deserved the promotion. I think the last comment knocked her on her heels a bit.
I'll have to say that this version of my W was attractive. She was very upbeat and positive. She was attractive tonight as she was repulsive last week.
Oh well, I'm taking a step back from this. I'll just have to what if anything pans out from this. And you betcha - I'm getting ready for the pullback.
JS, I gotcha. Could be. I think there may be some validity in what you said.
My W has the propensity to compare herself to others. It always drove me nuts. I always wished she could just live her life, be satisfied with who she is, and not base it off of what someone else appears to be.
That being said and with what you suggested, I am wondering if she is seeing me happy. Now I wonder if it's her competitive nature coming out and trying to compete with my happiness. She may be trying to keep,up in the happiness department and she's trying to show it off.
So I think it's a pretty keen observation on your part, JS. It may be exactly what you said, it may be what I said, somehting in between, or it may have been a matter of thoughtless convenience on her part.
Another output of our group meeting tonight is we started talking about doing things together more as a group. We're all in similar boats. There were 2-3 of us that started brainstorming on how we can start getting some people together for some GAL activities, and ultimately possibly starting a ministry for singles at our church. I was pretty stoked about helping to get that going. 