wife won't admit PA with OM

[Sad_but_happy]

25, Please stop telling me what DB is and is not.

Just yes, my advice is part DB and part SBH. Just as yours is part DB and part 25.

Trust me when I tell you that I understand your position. You feel there should be no ultimatums because you were the one that cheated. You were the one that went outside your marriage. So you empathize with the person that has a PA or EA. I do not.

You talk often about "not keeping score". Well I DO believe that a spouse is MORE wrong when they go outside the marriage.

Why you ask?

Because both spouses contributed to the demise of the marriage pre affair. Both did wrong. Both were at fault. But only one took the next step and committed the ultimate betrayl. Only one decided to sneak and lie and cheat.

Now, you can call me angry or bitter or unforgiving or "a score keeper". But I tell you that I am none of those.

I am a person that believes that an affair is wrong and nearly unforgivable in a M. Yes 25, sleeping with another person is MORE WRONG and MORE HURTFUL than not picking up your socks for three years.

And please tell me where in DB it says the allow your S to cheat right in front of your eyes. Laying boundaries is the very foundation of DB. My boundary is no tollerance to a cheating spouse. And you take offence to that because you were a cheating spouse.

That's all well and good but please don't tell me what DB is and isn't. You give your advice and I will give mine. From there we can let the person taking the advice make the choice.

Ok?

Good night all...