@MK, thanks for stopping by. My in laws are feeling a similar abandonment to mine. The difference between me and them is the work I am doing and the support I have here. In the past I would have tried to fix or care take their issue. I know now that I am not in a position to do so and that it would not be healthy for me to make the attempt. It is something I remind myself of daily.
Even though STBX didn’t show, the gameplan and the input from my coach had me more at ease and it showed.
This JS is not a hell of a lot different from the old pre STBX JS. I have fallen back on old training and lessons learned to get here. I am more in control of himself and more analytical during an interaction. I used to take people at face value and trust their motivations until proven otherwise. Now I try to determine the why and what motivates the behavior during the interaction. I realize it is a bit cynical, but the exercise permits me to be less reactive and measure my responses. I hope to trust someone as I once did STBX. This will serve until I do.
@Gunny, yes the DOD is gutting our beloved Corps again. I watched an interview the Commandant gave a few weeks ago where he outlined the reductions and justified it based on the changing mission. We’re going back to the beat cop until another call for all hands on deck happens. It never seems to change.
Journaling: Thanksgiving went well. I arrived early and after a little clumsiness pitched in with meal prep. Since the beginning of my involvement with this family I have pitched in with whatever. It is not in my nature to stand by and watch others work. If I cannot lead I’ll participate somehow.
SIL1 had prepared a large bird and it wasn’t quite done when we tested it the first time, so dinner was about an hour late. We snacked lightly, drank wine and yakked around the kitchen table while we waited. I was asked to carve the bird when it was done.
STBX did not show up. She had been invited, but chose not to attend. I have no idea where or how she spent her holiday, and for the most part I am not concerned with it. STBX was not a topic of discussion. She and this sitch were not a topic we consciously avoided at least I did not. We just had other things to talk about. Some of my GAL activities present and planned were talked about, but not the reasons for so much activity.
Friday found me assisting SIL2 moving from her apartment to a house. As the days moving activities winded down SIL1 began to vent about how she feels she has been treated by STBX. I tried to validate, but falling short asked if we could talk about something else. After a short silence we managed to move the conversation on.
SIL1 feels abandoned. She and STBX are the two oldest siblings. SIL1 is the oldest by a year and a half, and they have been close for as long as I have been around.
Saturday, my sister flew in to spend a week with mom, and I have taken the last three days off to spend time visiting.
Monday I met with the L. There is still pressure from STBX to move the D forward. I reminded my L that his counterpart had taken notes regarding the debt split at the last meeting. These notes were to be shared and be part of the draft proposal STBX is now complaining is late. He said he would contact her L regarding the debt split. So we are no further along than we were in September. I expect to hear from my L sometime this month. He did say that it was possible STBX may just file to force this forward. It does not matter as each path to walk contains its own brand of chaos and we still need to determine how to split the debt 50/50.
I felt pretty low Tuesday and did not sleep well. My mind was spinning over this whole pile of excrement. Today was a pretty good day visiting with mom and my sister. Since mom wanted to we prepped another Thanksgiving meal and spent the day together. Mom is getting pretty frail and this may be the last Thankgiving we spend together.
Tomorrow I go back to the office and dig out.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
