A Bklyn tale

[BklynMom]

Thanks Everyone for sending the positive vibes through the internet air.

H called again tonight. That is 3 nights in a row. Totally unheard of. My D3 didnt want to talk on the phone when he called and asked if he could talk on the picture phone... he agreed!! We ended up video chatting for 15-20 minutes.

So much better for the girls to see their Dad. They were so much more engaged in talking to him.

H was sick & went home from work early. He was holed up in his hotel room. Says he will probably not race or come back to bklyn this weekend just stay in Atl and recover.

There was a less zombie like vibe tonight. Maybe because being sick he hasnt drank in 3 days. But he was much more present.

I feel very optimistic. I know its a long road ahead but I really think I am seeing some early signs of my H coming out of his fog. It is a huge step that he did not freak out about the email I sent, I mean I signed it "love". A few months ago he would have freaked and told me "You dont get it, its over I'm done, You broke me..."

I think my being dim for 3 months was effective. My H believes that I am not trying to win him back now, I can slowly (very slowly) try to become friends again. This is going to be a long road still but I see some light.

My list of positives:
1. H still deposits paychecks into shared account
2. We share the car & he has made no mention dividing it.
3. No legal action at this point, he has only notified me that he has hired a lawyer (in September) but nothing
4. Only tells our daughter he is going to work has not told her has moved out even though she has been to his apt. (This scares me too because my D is getting these mixed messages)
5. In his email he said "I have been amazing so far"
6. He has told me he liked my new haircut (no haircut) and he liked the pants I was wearing (checking me out?)

I was reading through some old emails today looking for clues that I should have seen this coming. That was not what I found. He was calling me baby, saying I love you just days before ILYBNILWY.

It is true that our M had big flaws but I would have never expected our first conversation about the flaws would be him telling me it was over. I believe more then ever my H had some kind of break down, from being over stressed at work, lack of sleep at home (with 2 little ones), stress at home & grief over SIL cancer.

I still believe in us. I believe when he comes out of his fog he will see a beautiful wife, a loving mother and a active & happy woman, he will have no choice but to return.

I believe this will make us stronger. It has totally made me better. I am a new person. I am happy with who I am. I am happy to be a mother. I dont need everything. I am happy with what I have.