25 I did not mean at all for Jake not to keep working on himself, that to me is a given. OM or not, together or divorced Jake has a lot to work on.
That being said he may need to consider some work on co-dependence. Find his own self worth away from his wife.
Clearly his W is addicted to the rush sneaking around with OM gives her. Like many drug addicts and alcoholics, Jake needs to be careful not to enable her.
Some addicts hit rock bottom on their own. These are the easy cases.
Some lose the support of loved ones, and without this hit rock bottom much faster, allowing themselves a chance to change.
Some will carry their addictions for years slowly destroying their world and those around them. They'll hit rock bottom eventually but the fall is slowed down, and the addiction lengthened by those who enable them.
Jake has chosen to enable in the hopes that she looks at him favorably if and when she hits rock bottom.
Accuray
You're right in that Jake can't make his wife face her choices, but he can enable her so she doesn't have to.
Let me ask you this, is there a line to be drawn? Ever? What if she wants OM to move in? Should he tolerate that too?
What if she starts sending him money? That happened to someone here. Should he ignore this too?
It's up to Jake to decide how much he will tolerate. I do know what it's like to be afraid to let go. So I can empathize.
I think part of your growth has to include examining why you can't let go of what is quickly turning into a dysfunctional relationship.
I know the kids play a huge part of this, and I know I have no good advice for that. All I can say is to stop and think what type of environment you are creating. I keep hearing that kids are smart and they can pick up certain vibes between the parents.
