Don't know how much longer I can endure this!

[Mach1]

So W's birthday is coming around the corner and X-mas is too. I am wondering if I should get W a present from D (since she is too young to get one herself) or just let it be. I know for myself, if I feel like it, I would only get her a card for her birthday. She is really touchy right now so I really want to just lay low.

From her ?

Or from you, through her ?

For me ?

A piece of paper, a box of crayons....

or my personal favorite...

FINGERPAINT !!!!!!


Keep it what it is , nothing more, nothing less....

[Jack_Three_Beans]

A child is usually unable to buy a present for their parents all on their own. A child usually isn't the one to remember the day of a birthday.

That falls on the other parent, come what may, no matter what, despite everything, your wife is the mother of your daughter. In this, you have a responsibility. It is not you giving the present, it is your daughter, it is a lesson she will be learning. To give.

Take the higher ground, no matter what. No matter if she doesn't do it for you on your daughters behalf. Feel good in doing the right thing...not for your wife, and not for you, but for your daughter.

Mach's idea is awesome.

As is $5 and letting your daughter pick out a trinket.

My father still has a craptastic plastic horse that I bought for him when I was 5, he hates horses but I didn't know that when I was 5. I have a flashing plastic skull on my keychain from my youngest son.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I am way more patient than W ever was,

Duh...

The impatient types don't last long...if they ever even post.

You don't know the depths of your patience..yet.

But you will...you will.

[witz10]

TM I am was in the same boat this week. I have been S going on 7 months tomorrow. All my friends and my therapist also comment on my patience. Which I feel I have to have a ton of to see what happens with my W our separation her OM and our kids, its not a fun time. Surround yourself with people that will listen and take your mind off the situation.
This past weekend I had my 2 kids which was a great distraction except when they went to sleep and I would think about W. Since it was first time apart in 12 years. Her bday was this past monday. I had my kids do leaf rubbings and trace toys for her. Then got pics printed and put there faces on the drawings. She liked them.
My kids also gave her a pair of earrings that they picked out. Nothing expensive. All I gave her was a card and a few of the extra pics I had printed out. She appreciated it.
Everyone here told me to do what I felt was right. What she got for her bday from the kids was just enough and she enjoyed it. I got a smile and a thank you via email later on.
Now I have to figure out the holidays and what to do.

Go with what you feel is right. ACmoore has a foam pic frame and you can buy stickers to let your D put around it for her mom. My W liked that one year.

Good luck

[tested metal]

Thank you all for your suggestions! They are very helpful.

I misspoke. It has been 3 months since separation and over 1.5 yrs. since the 1st bomb. The burners really got going about 3 months ago and don't seem to let up.

Anyway, I plan to get W a card from me with just a plain Happy B day in it. As for the D's gift, I was going to get it on her behalf, not for my own. I realize this is a teaching moment, but I was afraid that it might be seen as using D to give W a gift and possibly having it blow back at me with the D witnessing it. (W is that unstable right now).

I have decided to do the homade gift idea anyway. I respect that W is the mother of my child and although I do not really like her right now and abhor her behavior, I still need to teach my child to show respect for her and others in her life.

JB- I love your Yoda like teachings!

Mach and Witz- thanks for the great ideas!

[willbeok]

Tested you have to do what feels right to you when it comes to giving her a gift from your D, When my H first left I gave him a Christmas gift from our son along with cards, I also gave him gifts from our grandchildren, a few months after I gave them to him he came to our house to pick up our son he opened the trunk of his car to put something in it, And there sat the gifts that were given to him not even opened..when I saw it I said nothing to him But that was the last time he received anything from my son for a few years, I did not bother buying anything for him for his birthday or any other holiday, Until I saw him move along in his crisis.. of course 7 years later things are different and Him and I now give each other gifts on Birthday's and Holidays... At that time my H was to just starting out with his crisis and he had no interest in anything to do with me or his children or his old life.. he was on a new adventure and wanted no reminders of us, that is why I believe he did not open them,,,,

So do what feels right to you.

[tested metal]

I will give her the gift from D and it is her choice to accept it or not. If she does, great. If not I will not be offended, but will hold on to it for her until decides she wants it. My guess is that is that she may feel guilty, but she needs to deal with that.

I will continue to honor Mother's Day, her birthday, and Christmas with gifts from our D and expect nothing in return. I never was big on receiving gifts anyway and never expect gifts.

I feel better now that I have come to a solution of what to do. Thank you!

[tested metal]

Well i was just informed yeasterday that we are having an emergency meeting at work and they are switching our health insurance. I informed W that since this is a window for me, I would be dropping her for insurance and just insuring D and myself.

She responded that I "was required to keep the insurance until the divorce is final" and that her work will not offer her insurance until February. Keep in mind when I required her to pay her half of the cell phone bill earlier, she got another phone with OM and left me to cancel the phone and pay for the cancellation charges. So I am thinking I don't want to make that mistake again and be forced to pay for her insurance for longer than I have to, only to have the opportunity to mess with me again.

There has been nothing legal written and no lawyers involved.

I want to drop her so I can afford to save up for a lawyer in case I need one.

I think she trying to cake eat with this issue but wanted opinions.

[PEI]

Will the health insurance fees between now and Feb 1st truly impact your ability to pay for legal counsel?

[Mach1]

She responded that I "was required to keep the insurance until the divorce is final"

The truth is, she is more than probably correct.

Most companies will make changes for "life changing" events. I.E. Marriage, having a child, and in some cases....Divorce. I'm not sure they will change anything for stupidity though.

I would get your information together for the cost difference of having her on the policy, and not having her on the policy.

Talk with her about paying the difference between the two until she can branch off on her own. Then tell her you plan on dropping her in February.

Although you have already peeved her off , and this will become more than just about insurance now.



Look at it this way...

IF....something were to happen to her, and you were still married to her. Yet you dropped her on your insurance.

You would still be financially responsible for her bills..

Now....which taste better ?

That ?

Or the foot you just stuck in your mouth ?