so strange today...she spoke like there was a future, that she wanted one with me and that we're working through things... she instantly interrupted me and told me that she's not further along the healing path, she just realized that she had a choice and she was choosing something other than me. in some ways it's like she's acting out her anger at her father whom is a loathsome individual and uses his money to control people, her in particular. in any case, i'm blamed for her asking him to help us all during our marriage though when it could have really been helpful to us she and he were not speaking and i never pressured her to do anything especially ask for money. i figured we'd always survive somehow... something always comes up.
@Kaffee. oh, we have contact everyday as we live in the same house, have breakfast and dinner and sometimes lunch together. it just depends on if she's pouring her anger and rage out at me or not on what happens. unfortunately i'm not able to endure much of that before i have to leave or i'll respond angrily. i did the other day and she followed me, screaming and yelling all the way... i went down into the basement and closed the door behind me, she opened it continuing to scream and then slammed it shut and left the house. she got her in her car and was doing down the driveway when i opened the front door and asked her where she was going... she backed up and rolled down her window and said "f you" and my response was "i'd love to, come get some." probably not the best thing to say and though i feel like i was pretty restrained i can see how that may not have gone over well.
she sent a huge email, the one previously mentioned, where she apologized for all of that and was surprised at how she had acted.
you know.. the thing is...i don't want our relationship like it had become, either. we talked about that today and she was glad to hear that i recognized that it hadn't been good for us in a while. she's right. she said that she could accept me as a person, which is a nice change, but she couldn't accept being with me. so many mixed messages i can't really tell what the hell is going on. i know that she hasn't served me yet because the attorney has told her that we can't be living together for that to happen and her parents can't figure out why she hasn't served me yet. i wonder if i'll get served at the trauma unit...that may not be a bad place for it but it would be pretty awful at the same time.
