Hi PEI! Just checking in. No advice except, keep doing what you're doing, but you know that, 'eh!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Things are rolling right along, and I can't believe how ill prepared I am for Christmas to be only a couple of days away! lol, oh well, as my mom always says, it's coming whether I'm ready or not! I actually see this as a major positive, because the old me would have been massively STRESSED out right now, and I'm just not. What gets done, gets done.
A few things to update since my last update not so long ago ...
My mom had a lumpectomy yesterday. She just got diagnosed with breast cancer in October (the same week her step-dad died) and kept it from us for weeks while she waited for more info. It's the best kind of bad news, meaning that the Dr's are saying it's non-invasive and non-agressive, contained only in the milk duct. The pathology on the tissue they removed during the lumpectomy will confirm all of that and we remain positive It's apparently not the kind of breast cancer that should cause my sisters and I to increase our screening protocols or anything, but ya can't help but know it's there now if ya know what I mean.
The BF and I are no more. He dumped me two weeks ago today over the phone (I know right!) and I spent the better part of a weekend/week broken hearted and devastated. Until I took a deep breath and got real. He said he was a lot of things. And for the first several months he walked the walk. He loved to talk, was attentive, social and a caring dad. As time went on, I saw red flags - and I ignored them. Excused them. My sister tried to talk to me a couple of times and I pretended to not know what she was talking about. In the last month I really saw just how broken he still is. He blames his ex for EVERYTHING. Says things like "she ruined my life". He's punishing her for ending the relationship by making her the primary caregiver and only taking the kids every second weekend and only paying bare minimum child support. He communicates his needs very well, but doesn't much care to hear what someone needs if it doesn't jive with what he thinks they should need. In one conversation we had he was mad at his ex because the kids were tired one day he took them and his teenager was tired and had a nap. I heard him say "why would I take them like that? what's in it for me?". I actually remember that I froze, alarms went off. And somehow I still managed to ignore it, rationalize it, justify it. I soooo wanted him to be who he said he was. I believed his words instead of his actions. And that's on me. He told me he always wanted a partner like me, that I was an amazing girlfriend, that he's been looking for me for ever etc, etc, etc. And now, for the last week, the few communications we've had - he's been a jerk. Now he's blaming me etc. And it doesn't hurt anymore, I'm not even sad actually. I'm grateful. He was not the one for me. I don't need a project, in my mother's words. And I can see that I've known it for probably the last month or more, just didn't want to admit it. I wanted him to be the one.
I'm actually happier and more at peace than I've been for weeks. I don't think I realized how unhappy I was, I knew my needs weren't getting met but I tried to avoid that, figured we'd get through it. Well guess what, he didn't want to get through it, and I deserve a partner who will weather the hard times too. And I will wait for one who deserves what I have to offer. I know what I bring to the table, and I know what I want.
I had my cards read (and yes, I know some of you will think I'm crazy!) and it was an amazing experience. She went into detail about my last relationship, who I am, what I have in store for me ... but the one major thing that struck me was this ... she said ...
You are very intuitive, but you don't listen. Learn to listen. Learn to listen to your gut. Don't be afraid.
Wow, did that hit home.
So onwards and upwards ... oh the places I'll go ... (that's for you Irish, gotta love Seuss!)
Happy Holidays everyone! I am soooo looking forward to it this year, my family and my kiddos ... my friends and all of you ... all the best in 2012!
Peace, PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Sorry.....I'm still working on Epic's update....I'll bookmark this for March and April "light" reading
I found a couple of speed reading classes in your neck of the woods .....If you interested.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
... but it's not without it's challenges too. Thanks for checking in!