Another crisis.....but H opening up now

[angel61]

Finally I hear from you again, Cyrena! Thank you, I am reassured.... all these will pass, you have been through this journey.

yes, yes .... exactly as you said. I do filter myself, I catch myself when I say or do things which was the "old" me. I find it easier now to identify the "old" behaviours that caused trouble in my M, but I am also caught in the struggle of not knowing what I am at this point, and how I would like to be, and self-arguments about not being my "real" self, versus being "real" because I now know what is better. I have to modify my behaviour but make sure that it still is within my personality. It does seem so hard to do though because one of the things I realize is that my personality, that of being a catalyst/influencer/creative/risk taker type is the polar opposite of my H, who is the organizer/steady/conscientious/rule follower/conservative type. Do is sound confused? Did you ever go through this "identity" crises?

Retrouvaille is not just re-discovering each other, but truly, it is discovering ones' self. And I think thats why it creates so much food for thought and conversation.

I also perceive the kind of reaction to the OW that my H has. Way back when he first decided in his mind the direction his life was taking, without telling me, I did sense his relief that is why I knew. But for a long time now, he has been struggling with letting go, and I see it. The ML I feel is symbolic for him as his final letting go.

There are still a lot of things that H has to deal with. His guilt. His being able to forgive himself. He still has to deal with all the justifications and rationalizations, which of course he made himself believe. I do realize that turning around his way of thinking will have to come from himself, perhaps helped by outside forces as he becomes more open to learning. he has started to open up, as evidenced by the fact that he went with me to Retrouvaille, at the same time, he still resists doing all the activities, and reading books, I know he is still not ready, and is afraid of coming out of his comfort zone and accepting full responsibility for his actions. As you said, he is still very fragile at tis time, and I do see that he gets easily overwhelmed and sometimes just cannot process and withdraws.

That is why I also am taking it slow. Thank you for your reminder, Cyrena. I will continue taking it one step at a time, and remember to do things out of love, not to elicit a response. That way, I will be true to myself. I always am reminded that one of God's greatest gifts to us is the gift of time, and I will make full use of that. I think I also need that time anyways to sort myself out.