TIMES THAT TRY MENS SOULS

[any chance?]

Gunny:
Interesting day for you yesterday. I am again struck by the similarities between our situations. I could have easily written the second paragraph of your last post myself. I answered your question on my thread yesterday, but your new post brings up some interesting thoughts.

I have been of two minds lately. Remember my W has been gone 4 months on 6 December. Part of me says move on, go for the financial separation now, and the legal separation after the first of the year. This is clearly the path all our friends advocate..."she is gone and not coming back, get over it" I have agreed to give her a legal separation, not a divorce, so she can keep her health insurance until she finds a job with benefits.

The other part of me realizes that W has emotional issues, to be sure. She puts up a tough exterior (perhaps the euphoria you refer to?) but a realistic assessment of her situation suggests she remains very troubled, and that she is just running away from her issues. That part of me has me sending her small 'care' packages on occasion, a brief card now and then, and a rare text message (Happy Thanksgiving). I have avoided calling her or texting frequently, leaving that form of communication in her control. That part of me wants to leave the D proceedings in her control, and just let things happen as they will. I know she needs to finish the D so she can feel as if she has followed through on what she said she was going to do, but I should probably let her do that on her own time. I guess I am trying to do what your DB coach said, just showing 'small, thoughtful gestures'.

Am I doing the right thing? Or do I deserve 2x4s? Who knows? I just know I have loved this woman for 20+ years, and just walking away does not seem right. Am I an idiot? I guess time will tell.