OMFG. What is he thinking? What a tough sitch for you. Generally, it isn't fair to the kid to introduce a romantic P (which you still are) until the R is firmly on track. WTH knows in this sitch? Yipes.
He isn't thinking though. And thus why my T says I've taken on the role of strong "rock" for him. Right now, I'm apparently the only one with a conscience. Last week he wanted to have dinner with his daughter, OW and her other 4 children. At the moment, he thinks it's perfectly ok for the OW's 13 year old daughter to be exposed to the reality that her mother had an adulterous affair, that her baby sister has another father, and her father doesn't even know what's going on yet. *mind boggling*
This is so out of step with my H's conservative minded parenting opinions.
If she caught wind of that kind of meeting without her consent...She's lose her nut. Is that why he'd want to do it? Is he trying to break free, call for help,... forcing the issue to see her go wacko (as he does know deep down, she is?) One can only speculate.
Sadly, I'm feeling my way in the dark with this thing, as much as the day old LBS. I just have more experience on how to harden my heart to the hurt than those who are new and have just signed on, or picked up DB or DR.
As meeting his daughter.. she's 2 and half, so it's not like she's going to remember my name or anything. But she would remember my "critters". And that would be a dead give away to her mother (that H had let me meet her) if she said she saw this kind of "critter".
He let something else slip today (and it was based on something I said yesterday about she had it good, one husband (her real one) jumping through hoops when she wants to drop her kids off with him... and a pseudo H with money... who she has at present wrapped around her finger... or at least a direct modem line to his phone/attention.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
He knows it's not his or... at least I THINK that's the case... either way though... he has ZERO idea that my H is in the picture. These two men hate each other.
I just spent the last 20 mins on the phone with my H... and he was addressing just that.
He caught the OW in a big lie today. Surprise, surprise.
She had told my H that, she had told HER H that there was a paternity test done and we are waiting on results. When I blew in there last week, I threatened to tell her H myself if she didn't. She lied. Said, I'm not going to send him to an insane asylum before Xmas. She lead my H to believe that he KNEW that the test was taken, and was awaiting results. H even said to me... surely he's not that dumb... he has to know that it only takes a week or two to get results. Any dummy could read that on the net. So he has to know we have the results already.
Today,... because my H is having one of his clarity periods,... he's been pressing for more time, and that her H needs to be told. She finally told him... well, I didn't quite tell him that there was a test taken. Only that you had inquired about having one.
His phone call started out with: saw some cute things for daughter today... you and I can go back and get them to'row or Thursday. (Gives me the sizes I wanted to look for cute stuff.)
THEN H starts talking lawyers in the new year. And that's when he told me that she finally confessed that her H doesn't know about the paternity test already done and results in.
I have to wonder... and it was a wonder of my H's... did she really KNOW who the father was? He insisted that he thought by things said by her husband, that he felt it could be his. (the 2 H's had few of their own screaming matches apparently when I was gone.)
Would make sense why she's not told him yet. God only knows what lies this parasite has told her husband. Nothing that comes out of that woman's mouth is the truth.
So... how did I deal with it. Affirmed his feelings, told him I supported him in what he was thinking... and that he had every right to demand more time with his daughter.
Round and round we go....
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
Where is her H all the times your H is there? You mentioned she doesn't have custody of her kids somewhere on here, right? Are they separated? I'm a little confused.
M 55 H 58 M 24 T 29 S 22,21, 19 Bomb 4/10 It (A) really isn't about you 11/2013 We all have work to do
The truth will set you free, but it will almost kill you first.
OT: yes, it was our test. Witnesses etc. MZ: Yes separated, but in constant contact. He bought his own small house in June, about 15 minutes away from her. She gallivants all over the place, and he'll go over and "sit" the 5 kids, stay over night or whatever.
He *loves* her, from what has been pieced together, is that her H truly loves her, and is a decent guy, is good to his kids etc. INCLUDING my H's daughter. If he knows who's it is or even that it's not his. Who knows. That parasite's mouth should spit fire for the amount of lies she spins.
So H comes home, it's so hard not to pump him for why he was talking lawyers ... and why he spit out all this stuff about us shopping for daughter together, meeting her etc. Said we'll go to two diff places together. Sat with me to watch the news and instantly takes my hand and starts to hold it. Not once, but every time I got up to stir dinner... as soon as I sat down, he grabbed my hand to hold hands. WTH?
As I've mentioned to someone on another thread... it's difficult but one has to resist the temptation to DRIVE the break down of their relationship. I've been down this road before. He'll hate her, because... oh surprise, surprise she lied to him about something BIG... had ample opportunity to tell him the truth, but chose not to. He'll of course forgive her, because she'll revert to her tantrum or threat to not let him see daughter, tactics. One teeny-tiny step forward. The hardest thing will be when he starts to defend her again... as early as to'row.
If ONLY they would grow their brains back quickly. Not so, though.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
H was so complementary last night. He came home and I was doing my music. Started talking like he used to about me doing it pro etc. It's something he *loves* about me. That hasn't changed.
I KNOW now they were fighting yesterday. I asked about what presents he was going to buy his daughter and he told me what they are, and then said again, that we'd go get them. (I'm not really holding my breath).
I anticipate buying some new clothes for his daughter that I see. It bugs him that she's in hand me downs. He wants her in NEW clothes.
He held my hand all night long. Not me reaching for him... but he reaching for me. That lie she told has rattled him.
He held my hand while we slept last night as well.'
She was supposed to call him around 7 am this morning so he could talk to his daughter. No call as of 8:10. He came in and said: maybe daughter was sleeping as she drove in. (Making excuses for OW.)
Mean while, OW, is pulling one of her many power plays. Eg: I'll decide when/if you talk to your daughter.
Round, and round...
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
H asks me: should I buy her other kids Christmas gifts? WTF?
I said, well: I don't think that is appropriate, probably not a good idea.
His comment: Well... I was thinking the same thing. I'll just buy for daughter.
He's made some excuses for her: she's starting a new job that's why my daughter couldn't talk to me this morning. She let her H drive her to daycare. Yet, he ranted 30 mins earlier that he wasn't going to see his daughter for the rest of the week. Round and round.
The parasite would love that eh? Get a big bunch of expensive gifts for her other kids. It'll probably happen. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Oh well.
His brother would lose his mind over this one. Best keep it to myself.
Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
Stupid editor: Mean while, 2 minutes later, he's hugging me from behind and kissing my neck. I'm dizzy.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
His parasite wants to go shopping with him. Gee... and this isn't about her wanting money. Cripes.
Now, he's back peddling on the lie. But I know it's rattled him. He's getting possessive of his daughter. And wants time alone with her. GOOD.
Teeny baby steps forward...
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
