I feel like he made this bed now he needs to lay in it. I don't want to change the schedule to suite him because then I feel he is getting his cake and eating it too. So, how can I tell him in a nice way that I did not cause this situation, he did.
I get it. It should be about her. That you get more time is something to be greatful for though.
What I've learned is that while it should be about the kids, it isn't always. I also know that at times (at least in my own head) I wielded my kids and wanted him to really be engaged. It doesn't work that way.
He may become more involved at some point. Forcing it won't help your daughter either.
The thing is, for every knock down drag out moment with my D's that made me absolutely crazy(ier), I have the relationship that is forged from that as well as the good times.
I look at the amazing young women my daughters are and I think, Wow, he could have had a much bigger part in that. That he chose not to, well, that's really a punishment he inflicted on himself.
Will you have a hard row to hoe if you do the bulk of raising your D? Sure. And it's worth every second. I say this having had to deal with a D that was a cutter and suicidal.
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When will he start taking responsibility for this mess?
He may at some point. He may never.
What you need to do, is work on you. Regardless of what he says you were at fault for.
We all have ownership. Being able to hear what he says and really evaluate it for the truth, is a skill. It takes time and brutal honesty. With yourself.
My H had some very valid points. Have I changed everything? No. I work on what's important to me. If it really hurts to hear, there might be some truth there. There was for me. Then you have to evaluate if it's a change you want to make for yourself.
When you really look at you, who do you see? Is it the woman you always wanted to be? If not, what would you change?
Sadly, there is nothing you can do to make him "see" the damage from your eyes. Not now anyway.
