First post, words of wisdom needed

[sunshine76]

Hi Sandi, thank you for responding again. Sorry, I should have clarified in my first post that we are both women.

Up until we moved to California we both kept our finances seperate which was my choice because I am kind of anal when it comes to money and she is not so I did not want finances to be a source of contention.

I felt like a total loser having to depend on her when we got to California ( she never made me feel that way, those were my own feelings). I should have got a job right away, but I didn't because she said don't worry about it right now I want you to go back to school. She was being loving and supporting of me and I was still acting like a jerk. I was extremely lonely so I would complain all of the time that she was working to late, that I wasn't happy in California... When I write down the way that I behaved and read it back I am just so ashamed of my behavior.

I did not realize that she was totally stressed out about money until about a month before she said that she did not want to be with me. I don't think finances played a very big part in her decision, but it definetely added another layer of stress and negative feelings which did not help.

Right now I am just really focusing on bringing the happy fun side of me to the surface. I couldn't stand the person that I was before and I blamed her. If I have any hope of succeeding at this I need to find out how to make myself happy first and foremost.

Thanks again Sandi, I hope you have a great day!