Grace, Love, Compassion, and Faith - EVEN BETTER

[Valeska19]

I spoke with a DB coach last next regarding a letter I was writing to my H and she helped tremendously. I would highly recommend calling. I personally found your letter to brusque. I think you have proven that you are detached from your W. Your dont text her pleasantries like Happy Thanksgiving. You are not in regular contact. I think you can make this necessary contact more friendly. Why do you need to reiterate that you will not pay for anything, has she told you you need to pay? did she indicate that she didnt hear you when you said it the 1st time?

Thank you very much for your feedback! It's important to ME that I don't come off as brusque. It's not who I want to be and it's not how I want to treat my w... so some rewrites are in order.

She only said that me not wanting to pay for title transfers was part of me "Punishing" her for the divorce. I nipped that in the butt last time. I guess I don't want there to be any surprises.

Besides helping me with my letter my DB coach really emphasized a realistic time line. Although it feels like its already been forever this process may take 1-2yrs. If your W is starting The Program herself this will bring about more changes. You need to see how the program changes her. Unfortunately it takes time, but the good thing is time is on our side.

Yes I will have to think about this some. As much as want to save my m, I think the best thing I can do for it is fix me. I have tackled smaller things like "self worth", "negativity" etc.. but the co-dependency is a big thing. I don't really know how my w plays into it other than how she is currently.

Honestly I don't know if I am healthy enough to work on my m in any other way than how our relationship is now. I keep on having moments like "Oh man, now I know why God did this or that". I couldn't understand why we had to stop talking... now I believe God allowed it to happen caz he knew it was the only way I would start working on myself.

I'm fearful that if I call a coach I will lose that focus on myself. I'll have to pray about it.

You are amazing. You have changed dramatically over the past few months and I totally try to emulate your attitude. Especially doing this for me and not for my WAS. You are an inspiration

Wow - Thank you so much! I'm truly flattered I'm also truly glad you are finding my journals helpful. I too have people I read.

Small Journal -

So I decided NOT to invite w to join me to Adopt a Family for Christmas. I got an idea to post an FB event and invite 100 friends to the mall and each buy one present. Why only support one family when you can reach 100?!?

I doubt all 100 folks will answer, but he!!.. if I get 20, 20 kids will have a Christmas gift. How awesome is that!

Plus if y'all recall my birthday party.. huge invites are 180's for me.

My event is public so w can see it. I didn't invite her... not because I don't want her to come... or that I am throwing it in her face.

Mostly because I still believe space is what she needs and me not pursuing in any way helps me stay detached.

I'm super stoked though. I was dreading Christmas... not so much any more.