Confronted spouse...now he wont come home

[Nblost]

Well, I told our MC in mid-September that I could probably live like this for 2-3 weeks. Then, I decided to make it through Halloween. Then, H said he just needed a month or two to figure things out...so, that put me going through the holidays. When I was "done" in mid-October, I asked H to move out and told him I had met with an attorney and had bought a book on how to tell the kids about divorce. However, I didn't draw a firm line in the sand and recently, was glad i hadn't.

Now, I've told H we should make it through the holidays, but afterwards, he needs to move out if he continues the A. There is a line, but not a firm date.

However, LRT to me means just backing off and not initiating contact. I don't plan to go totally dark (we have three kids who don't know about our problems) and I don't plan to zoom into After the LRT. I feel like I can change course if the LRT makes him pull totally away. (Judging from today, he seems to lean in when I lean out...well, as long as he isn't tangled up with OW)

I agree though...having the attitude that I've had it will come through. I don't want to be bitter and angry with that attitude...but more just detached and happy with myself.

I think if we split in January, that could also be a trigger point for him to change. So far, I've enabled him. He may freak about telling the kids, disclosing to friends/family, etc. And, maybe there's some reverse psychology of me kicking him out that makes him less attractive to OW (or he is mopey about getting kicked out and that makes him less fun and exciting).

I just also know that I don't deserve this. And frankly, his 90% travel schedule means the kids and I are pretty used to being alone.