Thank you for the responses. There is nothing more helpful than to hear from people who have been through all this stuff. I have to say I am a little dissappointed at myself for feeling hurt about the concert incident. I had thought that I had progressed beyond that point.
Seeking answers, your take of the encounter makes so much sense to me. When I read your post it was like you were there. There was a pull with ex toward me during that encounter. The second I acknowledged him and starting talking to him he had a hard time stopping the conversation. He would glance back at her and she whispered something to him and that is when he kissed her. I have a feeling, he had a rough evening that night. At least that is what I am hoping.
The reason I think I have regressed is that I am seeing some progress on ex's part. He has been way kinder, can have a conversation with me without anger, has offered to help me (boat hitch encounter), and even unexpectantly sent me money to pay for my daughter's glasses. I am getting hopeful and I don't think I should be entertaining that thought.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Yes, OW absolutely knows what he did to the family. Your statements are so true. She has to be very worried. I guess the saying "there is no peace for the wicked" pertains. This encounter was the first time I really got to see her insecurities. I will not avoid her any more and if I run into her I run into her. She looked very afraid of me and I guess I have to admit I got some satisfaction from that. I also was happy with how I handled the whole situation. I really just wanted to rip her face off.
I will continue to be pleasant to ex despite his button pushing for whatever reason. It does not matter. My kids saw me in a very difficult situation and saw me handle it maturely. That is something they will remember when ex is bad mouthing me.
By the way, I love your strength.....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Boy I am rambling...... Just one more thing I have to say. Facing OW that day was very healing in some respect. She is really just a pathetic girl with tons of issues. She is just as lost as ex if not more. I even had a little sympathy toward her for a second.
Forward, My daughter has told me that OW is pressuring ex to get married big time. She keeps saying, "what about me, what about my needs" to ex. We will see what happens.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
"She is really just a pathetic girl with tons of issues."
Trusting, that is what I saw w/the OW in my situation. As soon as X had a real problem, she disappeared.
As far as the pressure to get married....the thing is, they are past the most idyllic and giddy part of romance. He probably won't marry her at this point. If he does, well, then maybe she is his "soul mate" or whatever drippy sentiment you assign to it. And unfortunately, that may be what he has become. You have to accept that this chick is part of his life now, for whatever reason.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
My ex does not respond well to pressure, but time will tell. There really is no reason for ex to marry her, no benefit for him. She lives with him, cooks for him, gives him sex, cleans, works for him, etc.... He just wanted "to have fun". Now he has to make a big decision. I think the only thing he is thinking is if he marries her and it does not work out, he will have to pay maintenence and go through another divorce. Ex even makes her pay some of the house bills and has not put her name on the house title/mortgage. They are using each other and now she wants a committment. The same thing he ran away from.....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting, Maybe she will leave him. But it sounds rather like a gravy train for her, so maybe it will be more of a slow, picking apart type of relationship where they slowly make each other miserable.
Since these MLCers are living in a fantasy world, coming out of that fantasy must be pretty hard. It is as if they expected a certain level of perfection that could not be reached w/the LBS, so they tried to find it elsewhere and now must cope with disillusionment and loss.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Ex withdrawing somewhat from me and kids. Kids report that him and OW are fighting quite a bit. Apparently, she is spending his money like crazy and just recently went grocery shopping and spent $812.00. Some of ex's business papers came to the house. I texted him about it and he stated he would pick them up. He never did so I just mailed them to him. It is an interesting time.....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting, Apparently things are not happy in his fantasy world right now. Don't be surprised if he withdraws for a period of time. Life isn't what he expected and his world has been rocked by the spending of the ow.
If additional papers come to your home, just mail them to him. You want to stay out of his way for a bit.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am getting the feeling that he is in a hugh "processing stage". I think he was very bothered by our last interaction at my daughter's school play. He was not able to push my buttons and I was as kind and cool-headed as it gets. The holidays have of course brought up all kinds of memories for me. I can't imagine what he is going through. Your advice of staying out of his way is good.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
